O Brother Where Art Thou?
by Demonic Houshi
Summary: The Title says it all, Inuyasha's O Brother Where Art Thou


**Inuyasha**

**Disclaimer- No I don't own any of the characters of Inuyasha, you would have to give Rumiko Takahashi the credit here or Everret Mcgill or the others from O Brother Where Art Thou, give them to the Cohen brothers

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"O BROTHER, WHERE ART THOU"

BLACK

In black, we hear a chain-gang chant, many voices together,

spaced around the unison strike of picks against rock. A

title burns in:

O muse!

Sing in me, and through me tell the story

Of that man skilled in all the ways of contending...

A wanderer, harried for years on end...

On the sound of an impact we cut to:

A PICK

splitting a rock.

As the chant continues, wider angles show the chain-gang at

work. They are black men in bleached and faded stripes,

chained together, working under a brutal midday sun.

It is flat delta countryside; the straight-ruled road

stretches to infinity. Mounted guards with shotguns lazily

patrol the line.

The chain-gang chant is regular and, it seems, timeless.

We slowly fade out, returning to

BLACK

The last of the voices fades.

After a long beat we hear the guitar introduction to Harry

McClintock's 'The Big Rock Candy Mountain.'

A WHEAT FIELD

A road cuts across the middle background. Noonday sun beats

down.

We hear the distant picks and shovels of men at work and

see, rising above ground level, the occasional upraised pick

and spade heaving dirt. Men are digging a ditch alongside

the road.

After a long beat, three men pop up in the wheat field in

the middle foreground. They wear faded stripes and grey duck-

billed caps. They scurry abreast toward the camera, throwing

an occasional glance back at the ditch-diggers. A clanking

sound accompanies their run. Oddly, the wheat between them

sweeps down as they run. After a brief sprint they drop back

down into the wheat.

In the background a man enters frame left, strolling along

the road, wearing a khaki uniform and sunglasses, a shotgun

resting against one shoulder. He glances idly down into the

ditch and strolls on out of frame right.

The three men rise back up from the wheat and, clanking,

resume their sprint.

THREE PAIRS OF EYES

They are topped by three cap bills, and peer out from behind

a blind of greenery. We hear distant whistling.

The men are looking at a weathered barn. A young boy,

whistling, is heading down the road that leads away from the

barn, jiggling the traces of the old plough horse that leads

him. He turns a corner and is gone.

BARNYARD

The three clanking men (we can now see their leg irons) are

awkwardly chasing a chicken around the yard. The squawking

yardbird doesn't need to move much to elude the three bunched

men.

COUNTRY LANE

It curves in a gentle S into the background. It is sun-

dappled, pretty.

We hear clanking footsteps approaching at a trot.

The three men enter in the foreground and trot on down the

lane. The leftmost has a flapping chicken tucked under one

arm.

AFTERNOON CAMPFIRE

The three men sit in a side-by-side arc around a dying fire,

one of them contentedly picking his teeth with a small chicken

bone, another wiping grease off his chin with a sleeve, the

third idly poking at the fire with a spit.

Each of them, still bound by chains, clinks as he moves.

One of them abruptly cocks his head, listening.

The others notice his attitude and also freeze, listening.

We hear the distant baying of hounds.

ROLLING HILLS

From high on a ridge we see the three chained men running

toward us.

In addition to their clanks we hear a distant chugging sound.

TRACKING

Laterally with the clanking, running feet.

The chugging sound is very loud.

RUNNING

Next to a freight train. A boxcar door is open.

INSIDE THE BOXCAR

The lead convict hooks an elbow in and starts hauling himself

up, his two clanking friends keeping pace outside.

Six hobos sit in the boxcar, lounging against sacks of

O'Daniel's Flour. They impassively watch the convict clamber

in as his two confederates run to keep up.

The convict hauls himself to his feet. In spite of his stubble

he has carefully tended hair and a pencil mustache. He is

Miroku.

As he dusts himself off:

Miroku

Say, uh, any a you boys smithies?

The hobos stare.

Miroku gives an ingratiating smile as, behind him, the second

convict starts to haul himself into the boxcar, the third

convict still keeping pace outside.

Miroku

Or, if not smithies per se, were you

otherwise trained in the metallurgic

arts before straitened circumstances

forced you into a life of aimless

wanderin'?

The convict running outside the boxcar door stumbles and

disappears and the middle convict is yanked out immediately

after. Miroku, just finishing his speech, flips forward in

turn, smashes his chin onto the floor and is sucked out the

open doorway, his clawing fingernails leaving parallel grooves

on the boxcar floorboards.

The hobos impassively watch.

OUTSIDE

The three men tumble, clanking, down the track embankment.

Squush - they come to a rest in swampland at the bottom.

They shake their heads clear, then rise to their feet in the

muck and watch the train recede.

Its fading clatter leaves the baying of hounds.

Miroku

Jesus - can't I count on you people?

The second con is Shippo.

Shippo

Sorry, Miroku.

Miroku looks desperately about.

Miroku

All right - if we take off through

that bayou-

The third con, Inuyasha, with a red kimono and doggie ears cuts in.

Inuyasha

Wait a minute! Who elected you leader

a this outfit?

Miroku

Well, Inuyasha, I just figured it should

be the one with capacity for abstract

thought. But if that ain't the

consensus view, hell, let's put her

to a vote!

Inuyasha

Suits me! I'm votin' for yours truly!

Miroku

Well I'm votin' for yours truly too!

Both men look interrogatively to Shippo.

He looks from Pete to Everett, and nods agreeably.

Shippo

Okay - I'm with you fellas.

Miroku makes a sudden hushing gesture and all listen.

The baying of hounds is louder now, but through it we hear a

distant scrape of metal against metal, like the workings of

a rusty pump. The men turn in unison to look up the track.

A small, distant form is moving slowly up the track toward

them.

As it draws closer it resolves into a human-propelled flatcar.

An ancient black man rhythmically pumps its long seesaw

handle.

The three convicts look out at the swampland which begins to

show movement, the bowing grass trampled by men and dogs.

The flatcar draws even and slows.

Miroku

Mind if we join you, ol' timer?

Totosai

Join me, my sons.

The three men clamber aboard and the old man resumes pumping.

The three men exchange glances; Delmar waves a clanking hand

before the old man's milky eyes. No reaction.

Shippo

You work for the railroad, grandpa?

Totosai

I work for no man.

Shippo

Got a name, do ya?

Totosai

I have no name.

Miroku

Well, that right there may be why

you've had difficulty finding gainful

employment. Ya see, in the mart of

competitive commerce, the-

Totosai

You seek a great fortune, you three

who are now in chains...

The men fall silent.

Totosai

And you will find a fortune - though

it will not be the fortune you seek...

The three convicts, faces upturned, listen raptly to the

blind prophet.

Totosai

...But first, first you must travel

a long and difficult road - a road

fraught with peril, uh-huh, and

pregnant with adventure. You shall

see things wonderful to tell. You

shall see a cow on the roof of a

cottonhouse, uh-huh, and oh, so many

startlements...

The cloudy eyes of the old man stare sightlessly down the

track as the seesaw handle rises and falls through frame.

Totosai

...I cannot say how long this road

shall be. But fear not the obstacles

in your path, for Fate has vouchsafed

your reward. And though the road

may wind, and yea, your hearts grow

weary, still shall ye foller the

way, even unto your salvation.

The old man pumps - reek-a reek-a reek-a - as all contemplate

his words.

Loud and sudden:

Totosai

IZZAT CLEAR?

The men start, then mumble polite acknowledgement.

The railroad tracks wind to the setting sun. Reek-a reek-a

reek-a - the flatcar rolls, in wide shot, toward the golden

horizon.

FADE OUT

DAY

A hot dusty road leading up to a lone farmhouse.

The three men walk, clanking and abreast.

Shippo

How'd he know about the treasure?

Miroku

Don't know, Shippo-though the blind

are reputed to possess sensitivities

compensatin' for their lack of sight,

even to the point of developing para-

normal psychic powers. Now clearly,

seein' the future would fall neatly

into that ka-taggery. It's not so

surprising, then, if an organism

deprived of earthly vision-

Inuyasha

He said we wouldn't get it! He said

we wouldn't get the treasure we seek!

Miroku grows testy:

Miroku

Well what does he know - he's an

ignorant old man! Jesus, Inuyasha, I'm

telling you I buried it myself, and

if your cousin still runs this-here

horse farm and has a forge and some

shoein' impediments to restore our

liberty of movement-

Bang! A rifle shot kicks up dust in front of the men.

CHILD'S VOICE

Hold it rah chair!

The front of the farm house shows only a harshly shaded front

porch and a dark screen door.

The screen door swings open and a child emerges on to the

porch and steps down into the sunlight, holding a gun almost

bigger than he is. The grimy-faced boy, about eight years

old, wears tattered overalls.

You men from the bank?

Inuyasha

You Menomaru's boy?

CHILD

Yassir! And Daddy tolt me I'm to

shoot whosoever from the bank!

He pokes his rifle at the three men, who raise their hands.

Shippo

Well, we ain't from no bank, young

feller.

CHILD

Yassir! I'm also suppose to shoot

folks servin' papers!

Shippo

Well we ain't got no papers.

CHILD

Yassir! I nicked the census man!

Shippo

There's a good boy. Is your daddy

about?

THE BACK OF THE HOUSE

Menomaru Hogwallop, a sour-looking bald man, sits near a rusted

bathtub in a yard littered with ancient car parts and farm

implements overgrown with weeds. He is whittling artlessly

at a stick.

He glances up as the three convicts clank around the corner,

then returns to his whittling.

Menomaru

'Lo, Pete. Hooor yer friends?

Miroku

Pleased to make your acquaintance,

Mister Hogwallop. M'name's

Miroku McGill.

Shippo

'N I'm Shippo O'Donnell.

Inuyasha

How ya been, Wash? Been what, twelve,

thirteen year'n?

Still looking sourly at his whittling:

Menomaru

You've grown chatty.

He tosses the stick aside and sighs.

Menomaru

I expect you'll want them chains

knocked off.

THE HOGWALLOP KITCHEN

The four men and little boy sit around the kitchen table

eating stew. A Sears Roebuck catalogue on the boy's chair

brings him to table height. The cons are now rid of their

chains and are dressed in ill-fitting farmer's wear.

Menomaru

They foreclosed on Cousin Hari. He hanged himself a year

come May.

PETE

And Uncle Ruri?

Menomaru

The anthrax took most of his cows.

The rest don't milk, and he lost a

boy to mumps.

Inuyasha

Where's Ruri, Cousin Menomaru?

Menomaru glances at the little boy.

Menomaru

Couldn't say. Mrs. Hogwallop up and

R-U-N-N-O-F-T.

Miroku

Mm. Must've been lookin' for answers.

Menomaru

Possibly. Good riddance, far as I'm

concerned...

The three men slurp their stew.

Menomaru

I do miss her cookin' though.

Shippo

This stew's awful good.

Menomaru

Think so?

He sniffs dubiously at his spoon.

Menomaru

I slaughtered this horse last Tuesday;

'm afraid she's startin' to turn.

LIVING ROOM

Later. The four men sit about listening to a big box radio.

Wash is whittling once again; Miroku dips his comb into a

pomade jar and carefully works on his hair; Inuyasha is digging

around with a toothpick; Shippo dreamily waves one hand in

time to the music.

The music ends.

ANNOUNCER

Well, that's the last number for

tonight's 'Pass the Biscuits Bankotsu

O'Daniel Flour Hour.' This is Bankotsu

O'Daniel, hopin' you folks been

enjoyin' that good old-timey music,

and remember, when you're fixin' to

fry up some flapjacks or bake a mess

a biscuits, use cool clear water and

good pure Bankotsu O'Daniel flour for

that 'Pass the Biscuits, Bankotsu'

flavor. So tune in next week folks,

and till then whyncha turn to your

better half and sing along with Bankotsu:

'You are my sunshine, my only

sunshine...'

Miroku clears his throat.

Miroku

Well, guess I'll be turning in...

He screws the lid back on the pomade.

Miroku

Say, Cousin Menomaru, I guess it'd be

the acme of foolishness to inquire

if you had a hairnet.

Menomaru

Got a bunch in yon byurra. Mrs.

Hogwallop's, matter of fact.

Hepyaseff; I won't be needin' 'em.

THE THREE MEN

Sleeping in a hayloft. Miroku wears a hairnet over his

painstakingly arranged hair.

Inuyasha snores on the inhale. Shippo whistles on the exhale.

A spotlight plays over the hayloft ceiling and a voice booms:

BULLHORN VOICE

All right boys, itsy authorities.

The three men rouse themselves.

BULLHORN VOICE

We gotcha surrounded. Just come on

out grabbin' air!

Miroku shrugs his shoulders and peeks down into the barnyard.

Miroku

Damn! We're in a tight spot!

From high we see a foreshortened lawman holding a bullhorn

surrounded by armed deputies.

Next to the man with the bullhorn, a tin-starred sheriff

watches impassively through mirrored sunglasses, a bloodhound

drooling at his side.

MAN WITH BULLHORN

And don't try nothin' fancy - your

sitchy-ation is purt nigh hopeless.

Shippo

What inna Sam Hill...?

Miroku

Inuyasha's cousin turned us in for the

bounty!

Inuyasha

The hell you say! Menomaru is kin!

An unamplified voice echoes up from the yard:

VOICE

Sorry Inuyasha! I know we're kin! But

they got this Depression on, and I

gotta do fer me and mine!

Inuyasha screams down from the hayport:

Inuyasha

I'M GONNA KILL YOU, JUDAS ISCARIOT

HOGWALLOP! YOU MIS'ABLE HOSS-EATIN'

SONOFABITCH! YOU-

RAT-A-TAT-A-TAT- Miroku pulls Inuyasha down as a tommy gun spits lead into the hayloft.

Miroku

Damn! We're in a tight spot!

Inuyasha is enraged:

Inuyasha

Damn his eyes! Pa always said never

trust a Hogwallop-COME'N GET US,

COPPERS!

BULLHORN VOICE

So be it! You boys're leavin' us no

choice but to smoke you out.

Miroku

Oh no! Lord have mercy!

Men approach the barn with torches.

Shippo

What do we do now, Miroku?

Miroku

Fire! I hate fire!

Inuyasha

YOU LOUSY TIN-WEARIN' MOTHERLESS

BARNBURNIN' COCKROACHES-

Miroku cuts in, his voice breaking:

Miroku

NOW HOLD ON, BOYS-AINTCHA EVER HEARD

OF A NEGOTIATION? MAYBE WE CAN TALK

THIS THING OUT!

Shippo

Yeah, let's negotiate 'em, Miroku.

The hayloft is filling with smoke. Flames lick downstairs.

Inuyasha

YOU LOUSY YELLA-BELLIED LOW-DOWN

SKUNKS-

Miroku

Now hold on, Pete, we gotta speak

with one voice here - CAREFUL WITH

THAT FIRE NOW, BOYS!

Inuyasha grabs a flaming faggot and hurls it down at the deputized congregation.

It lands harmlessly in some scattered straw.

BULLHORN VOICE

You choose it, boys - the prison

farm or the pearly gates!

The straw curls, lights, and the fire scuttles over to a

parked Black Maria.

With a loud airy WHOOOF! the undercarriage of the police van

pops into flame.

The man with the bullhorn sees it.

MAN WITH BULLHORN

Holy Saint Christopher - OUTA THAT

VEHICLE, CHAMP, SHE'S LICKIN' FAR!

Tommy guns are stored in the back of the van. The drum of

one starts spinning.

Flames lick up the outside of the van as - chinka-chinka-

chinka - bullet holes walk across the body.

MAN WITH BULLHORN

Take cover, boys, THAT AIN'T POPCORN!

Yelling men scurry away.

The vehicle rocks and chatters under the force of the many

tommy guns now firing inside. Tires pop, hiss and settle;

doors pop open; glass shatters.

VOICES

Who's that?

An oncoming car is bouncing crazily across the yard, horn

blaring. Deputies leap out of its path.

The car shoots past the chattering van which still bucks and

bounces on its shocks, its interior strobing and flashing as

if filled with trapped lightning.

The speeding car heads directly for the flaming barn door

and crashes through in a shower of sparks.

The car brakes inside the barn and the driver's door flies

open. The little Hogwallop boy yells over the roar of the

flames:

BOY

Come on, boys! I'm gonna R-U-N-N-O-F-

T!

Inuyasha, Miroku, and Shippo pile in.

Shippo

You should be in bed, little fella.

The doors slam shut and the boy grinds into gear. He has

wood blocks strapped to his feet so that he can reach

accelerator, brake and clutch. He sits on a Sears Roebuck

catalogue to give him a view over the dash.

BOY

You ain't the boss a me!

The car speeds for the far wall, sheeted in flame, and bursts

through.

COUNTRY ROAD - DAY

The little Hogwallop boy walks away in long shot down the

middle of the empty road. His walk is unsteady, the wood

blocks still strapped to his feet.

He turns to face us and hollers:

BOY

You candy-butted car-thievin' so's

'n so's! I curse yer names!

Inuyasha enters in the foreground and throws a dirt clod at the

boy. It lands shy as Pete yells:

Inuyasha

Go back home'n mind yer pa!

We pan Pete over to the shoulder where the car is stopped,

its hood propped open. Shippo and Miroku are looking at the

engine.

Inuyasha

What's the damn problem?

DRYGOODS STORE

The proprietor is a bespectacled middle-aged man wearing

sleeve garters and a visor. Behind him are stacked, among

other necessaries, sacks of O'Daniel Flour. He pushes a small

tin across the counter.

PROPRIETOR

I can get the part from Bristol;

it'll take two weeks. Here's your

pomade.

Miroku is stunned.

Miroku

Two weeks! That don't do me no good!

PROPRIETOR

Nearest Ford auto man's Bristol.

Miroku picks up the tin.

Miroku

Hold on there - I don't want this

pomade, I want Dapper Dan.

PROPRIETOR

I don't carry Dapper Dan. I carry

Fop.

Miroku

No! I don't want Fop! Goddamnit - I'm a dapper Dan man!

PROPRIETOR

Watch your language, young fellow,

this is a public market. Now, if you

want Dapper Dan I can order it for

you, have it in a couple of weeks.

Miroku

Well, ain't this place a geographical

oddity-two weeks from everywhere!

Forget it! Just the dozen hairnets!

Inuyasha AND Shippo

On a wooded hillside. They sit at a twig fire, roasting a

small creature on a spit.

Miroku (O.S.)

It didn't look like a one-horse

town...

He stalks into frame and plops disgustedly down by the fire.

Miroku

...but try getting a decent hair

jelly.

Shippo

Gopher, Miroku?

Miroku

And no transmission belt for two

weeks neither.

Inuyasha

Huh! They dam that river on the

21st. Today's the 17th!

Miroku

Don't I know it.

Inuyasha

We got but four days to get to that

treasure! After that, it'll be at

the bottom of a lake!

He grimly shakes his head.

Inuyasha

We ain't gonna make it walkin'.

Shippo

Gopher, Miroku?

Miroku has taken out a can of near-empty Dapper Dan. He

scrapes the last of it onto his comb and starts combing his

hair.

We hear distant singing - one lone tenor voice.

Miroku

Well, you're right there, but the

ol' tactician's already got a plan-

Miroku fishes a gold watch from his pocket and tosses it to

Pete.

Miroku

for the transportation, that is; I

don't know how I'm gonna keep my

coiffure in order.

Inuyasha looks at the watch, puzzled.

Inuyasha

How's this a plan? How're we gonna

get a car?

Miroku

Sell that. I figured it could only

have painful associations for Menomaru.

Inuyasha pops the front and reads the inscription.

Inuyasha

To Ryokotsei Bartholomew Hogwallop.

From his loving Cora. Ay-More Fie-

dellis.

Miroku

It was in his bureau.

He screws the lid back on the pomade.

Shippo whistles appreciatively.

Shippo

You got light fingers, Everett.

Gopher?

Inuyasha

You mis'able little sneak thief...

He lurches threateningly to his feet.

Inuyasha

You stole from my kin!

Miroku scrambles up.

Miroku

Who was fixing to betray us!

Inuyasha

You didn't know that at the time!

Miroku

So I borrowed it till I did know!

Inuyasha

That don't make no sense!

Miroku

Inuyasha, it's a fool looks for logic in

the chambers of the human heart.

What the hell's that singing?

We can make out the words now, sung by the lone tenor.

VOICE

Oh Brothers, let's go down, come on

down, don't you wanna go down...

People in white robes are drifting down the hill, through

the woods behind the campsite. They join in with the lead

voice:

VOICES

Oh Brothers, let's go down, down to

the river to pray...

Shippo gazes wonderingly at the white-robed figures as he

answers Miroku:

Shippo

Appears to be... some kinda... con-

gur-gation. Care for some gopher?

Miroku too watches the white-robed people following in the

wake of the tenor. He answers absently:

Miroku

No, thank you Delmar - a third of a

gopher would only rouse my appetite

without beddin' her back down.

There are more and more white robes drifting through the

woods, all of them strangely oblivious to the three men.

DELMAR

You can have the whole thing - me'n

Pete already had one...

There is an endless stream now, drifting through the

foreground, the background, the campsite itself.

VOICES

Oh, sisters, let's go down, come on

down, don't you want to go down...

DELMAR

We ran acrost a gopher village...

The drifting worshipers wear beatific expressions. One only,

a middle-aged woman, notices the three convicts around whom

the rest of the flock blindly drifts. She calls to them:

WOMAN

Come with us, brothers! Join us and

be saved!

THE RIVER

White robes stream down the hill, out of the woods, and down

the riverbank. The voices swell in a great chorus:

VOICES

We went down to the river one day,

Studying about that good old way,

And who shall wear that robe and

crown, Oh Lord, show us the way...

We are booming down to reveal a minister in the foreground.

He stands belly-deep in the river, easing a white-robed man

back-down into the water. Behind him a line of robed singers

lengthens steadily as people stream out of the woods.

Inuyasha, Shippo and Miroku emerge from the woods and gaze down

at the river. White-robed people continue to drift past them.

Miroku

I guess hard times flush the chumps.

Everybody's lookin' for answers, and

there's always-

Shippo wades out into the stream, cutting in line.

Miroku

Where the hell's he goin'?

Shippo has reached the minister and holds his nose as the

minister incantates over him and lowers him into the water.

Inuyasha

Well, I'll be a sonofabitch. Shippo's

been saved!

Miroku

Inuyasha, don't be ignorant-

Shippo is slogging back through the water.

Shippo

Well that's it boys, I been redeemed!

The preacher warshed away all my

sins and transgressions. It's the

straight-and-narrow from here on out

and heaven everlasting's my reward!

Miroku

Shippo what the hell are you talking

about? - We got bigger fish to fry-

Shippo

Preacher said my sins are washed

away, including that Piggly Wiggly I

knocked over in Kyoto!

Miroku

I thought you said you were innocent

a those charges.

Shippo

Well I was lyin' - and I'm proud to

say that that sin's been warshed

away too! Neither God nor man's got

nothin' on me now! Come on in, boys,

the water's fine!

LATER

The smoldering twig fire. A bloodhound on a leash circles

into frame, its tail fiercely wagging.

We follow it as, nose to the ground and straining against

its leash, it waddles over to an empty tin of Dapper Dan

pomade.

A VOICE

All tight, boys! We got the scent!

A CAR

Miroku drives, shaking his head with a forebearing smile.

Inuyasha, sitting next to him, and Shippo, in back, are both

dripping wet.

Inuyahsa is solen:

Inuyasha

The preacher said it absolved us.

Miroku

For him, not for the law! I'm

surprised at you, Inuyasha Hell, I gave

you credit for more brains than

Shippo.

Shippo

But there were witnesses, saw us

redeemed!

Miroku

That's not the issue, Shippo,even if it did put you square with the Lord, the State of Japan is

more hardnosed.

Shippo

You should a joined us, Miroku. It

couldn't a hurt none.

Inuyasha

Hell, at least it woulda washed away

the stink of that pomade.

Miroku

Join you two ignorant fools in a

ridiculous superstition? Thank you

anyway. And I like the smell of my

hair treatment - the pleasing odor

is half the point.

He shakes his head and laughs.

Miroku

Baptism. You two are just dumber'n a

bag of hammers. Well, I guess you're

my cross to bear-

Shippo

Pull over, Miroku- let's give that

colored boy a lift.

A thirtyish black man in worn go-to-meetin' clothes stands

on the shoulder, waggling his thumb at the passing car. He

grabs his battered guitar case as the car pulls over and

trots up to the open window.

HITCHHIKER

You folks goin' through Hiroshima?

Shippo pushes open the back door.

Shippo

Sure, hop in.

Miroku looks at the man in the rearview mirror as he pulls

out.

Miroku

How ya doin', boy? Name's Miroku,

and these two soggy sonsabitches are

Inuyasha and Shippo. Keep your fingers

away from Inuyasha's mouth-he ain't had

nothin' to eat for the last thirteen

years but prison food, gopher, and a

little greasy horse.

HITCHHIKER

Thank you fuh the lif', suh. M'names

Onigumo, Onigumo Johnson

Shippo is genuinely friendly:

Shippo

How ya doin', Onigumo. I haven't seen

a house in miles. What're you doin'

out in the middle of nowhere?

Onigumo is matter-of-fact:

Onigumo

I had to be at that crossroads las'

midnight to sell mah soul to the

devil.

Miroku

Well ain't it a small world,

spiritually speakin'! Inuyasha and Shippo

just been baptized and saved! I guess

I'm the only one here who remains

unaffiliated!

Shippo

This ain't no laughin' matter,

Miroku.

Miroku

What'd the devil give you for your

soul, Onigumo?

Onigumo

He taught me to play this guitar

real good.

Shippo is horrified:

Shippo

Oh, son! For that you traded your

everlastin' soul!

Onigumo shrugs

Onigumo

I wudden usin' it.

Inuyasha

I always wondered-what's the devil

look like?

Miroku

Well, of course there's all manner

of lesser imps'n demons, Inuyasha, but

the Great Satan hisself is red and

scaly with a bifurcated tail and

carries a hayfork.

Onigumo

Oh no! No suh! He's white-white as

you folks, with mirrors for eyes an'

a big hollow voice an' allus travels

with a mean old hound.

Shippo

And he told you to go to Hiroshima?

Onigumo

No suh, that was my idea, and

they's a man there pays folks money

to sing into a can. They say he pays

extra effen you play real good.

Miroku's eyes narrow as he studies the man in the rearview.

Miroku

How much does he pay?

HIROSHIMA

The car is pulling into the parking lot of a single-story

cement-block building with a hundred-foot antenna and a

handpainted sign:

WEZY

LISTENING AIN'T NEVER BEEN

SO EASY NOR

SO FINE

As the men get out of the car, Miroku snaps his suspenders.

Miroku

All right boys, just follow my lead.

INSIDE

Miroku strides up to a portly middle-aged man who wears

dark glasses and holds a white cane.

Miroku

Who's the honcho around here?

MAN

I am. Hur you?

Miroku

My name's Miroku and

and these here are the Soggy Bottom

Boys outta Tokyo Japan -

Songs of Salvation to Salve the Soul.

We hear you pay good money to sing

into a can.

MAN

Well that all depends. You boys do

Negro songs?

Miroku grimaces, thinking.

Miroku

Sir, we are Negroes. All except our

a-cump- uh, company-accompluh- uh,

the fella that plays the gui-tar.

MAN

Well, I don't record Negro songs.

I'm lookin' for some ol'-timey

material. Why, people just can't

get enough of it since we started

broadcastin' the 'Bankotsu's

Flour Hour', so thanks for stoppin'

by, but-

Miroku

Sir, the Soggy Bottom Boys been

steeped in ol'-timey material. Heck,

you're silly with it, aintcha boys?

Inuyasha

That's right!

Shippo

That's right! We ain't really Negroes!

Inuyasha

All except fer our a-cump-uh-nust!

THE STUDIO

The three singing convicts form a semi-circle behind Onigumo,

who plays his guitar into a can microphone. They are

performing a hot and harmonized version of 'Man of Constant

Sorrow'.

When they finish Miroku whoops and slaps Onigumo on the back.

Miroku

Hot damn, boy, I almost believe you

did sell your soul to the devil!

MAN

Boys, that was some mighty fine

pickin' and singin'. You just sign

these papers and I'll give you ten

dollars apiece.

Miroku

Okay sir, but Mert and Aloysius'll

have to scratch Xes - only four of

us can write.

THE LOT

A caravan of two oversize cars is pulling into the lot just

as Tommy and the three convicts burst out of the station

door, whooping it up.

A sixty-year-old man in enormous seersucker pants held up by

suspenders and the outward pressure of a blooming belly is

getting out of the first car. His face is familiar from

countless sacks of Pass the Biscuits Bankotsu O'Daniel Flour.

Shippo waves a fistful of money at him.

Shippo

Hey mister! I don't mean to be tellin'

tales out a school, but there's a

man in there hands out ten dollars

to anyone sings into his can!

Bankotsu

I'm not here to make a record, ya

dumb cracker, they broadcast me out

on the radio.

A big shambling man of about thirty has followed him out of

the car. He has the sloping shoulders, the pasty skin, and

the aimlessly bobbing head of an intellectual flyweight.

Sota

That's Governor Menelaus 'Pass the

Biscuits, Bankotsu' O'Daniel, and he'd

sure 'preciate it if you ate his

farina and voted him a second term.

Two other members of the retinue, older men whose girth rivals

the governor's, are Eckard and Spivey.

Goshinki

Finest governor we've ever had in

Japan.

Myoga

In any country.

Goshinki

Oh Lord yes, any parish'r precinct;

I was makin' the larger point.

As Bankotsu brushes by them, Sota wheedles:

Sota

Aintcha gonna press the flesh, Bankotsu, do a little politickin'?

Bankotsu slaps at the young man with his hat.

Bankotsu

I'll press your flesh, you dimwitted

sonofabitch - you don't tell your

pappy how to cawt the elect 'rate!

Bankotsu waves his hat at the radio building as singers in faux

hillbilly outfits with various musical instrument cases get

out of the second car.

Bankotsu

We ain't one-at-a-timin' here, we

mass communicatin'!

Goshinki

Oh, yes, assa parful new force.

Myoga

Mm-mm.

The men head for the station, with Junior lagging.

Bankotsu

Shake a leg, Junior! Thank God your

mama died givin' birth-if she'd a

seen ya she'd a died of shame...

A CAMPFIRE

It is night.

Onigumo sits in the background, playing and singing a slow

blues. The three convicts, holding coffee cups, gaze into

the fire.

Over the dreamy song:

Shippo

Why don't we bed down out here

tonight?

Inuyasha

Yeah, it stinks in that ol' barn.

Miroku

Suits me...

He stretches out.

Miroku

Pretty soon it'll be nothin' but

feather beds'n silk sheets.

Inuyasha swishes his coffee as he stares into the blaze.

Inuyasha

A million dollars.

Miroku

Million point two.

Shippo

Five... hunnert... thousand... each.

Miroku

Four hundred, Shippo.

DELMAR

Izzat right?

Miroku

What're you gonna do with your share

of the treasure?

Inuyasha

Go out west somewhere, open a fine

restaurant. I'm gonna be the maider

dee. Greet all the swells, go to

work ever' day in a bowtie and tuxedo,

an' all the staff'll all say Yassir

and Nawsir and in a Jiffy Inuyasha...

He gives his coffee a thoughtful swish and murmurs:

Inuyasha

An' all my meals for free...

Miroku

What about you, Shippo? What're you

gonna do with your share a that dough?

Shippo

Visit those foreclosin' sonofaguns

down at the Indianola Savings and

Loan and slap that cash down on the

barrelhead and buy back the family

farm. Hell, you ain't no kind of man

if you ain't got land.

Inuyasha

What about you, Miroku? What'd you

have in mind when you stoled it in

the first place?

Miroku

Me? Oh, I didn't have no plan. Still

don't, really.

Inuyasha

Well that hardly sounds like you...

A distant Voice:

VOICE

All right, boys, itsy authorities!

The three men tense up. Onigumo stops singing.

VOICE

Your sitchy-ation is purt nigh

hopeless!

Inuyasha shovels dirt onto the fire as Shippo and Miroku Scramble to peek over a low ridge.

Their point-of-view shows a lone barn with their car parked

to one side. Various police vehicles have pulled up facing

the barn, and armed men, their backs to us, train guns on

it, some taking cover on the near side of their parked cars.

Miroku

Damn! They found our car!

The man with the bullhorn continues, directing his comments

at the distant barn:

MAN

We ain't got the time-and nary

inclination-to gentle you boys no

further!

The three convicts notice the sheriff who once again stands

impassively next to the man with the bullhorn, holding a

leash against which a bloodhound strains.

MAN

It's either the penal farm or the

fires of damnation-makes no nevermind

to me!

The sheriff makes a signal to a man holding a torch, who

skitters up to the barn and lights it.

Shippo

Damn! We gotta skedaddle!

Miroku

I left my pomade in that car! Maybe

I can creep up!

Shippo

Don't be a fool, Miroku, we gotta R-

U-N-O-F-F-T, but pronto!

Miroku

Where's Onigumo?

Inuyasha

Already lit out, scared out of his

wits. Let's go!

DAYTIME ROAD

The three men shuffle down the dusty road.

PETE

The hell it ain't square one! Ain't

no one gonna pick up three filthy

unshaved hitchhikers, and one of 'em

a know-it-all that can't keep his

trap shut!

Miroku

Inuyasha, the personal rancor reflected

in that remark I don't intend to

dignify with comment, but I would

like to address your general attitude

of hopeless negativism. Consider the

lilies a the goddamn field, or-hell!-

take a look at Shippo here as your

paradigm a hope.

Shippo

Yeah, look at me.

Miroku

Now you may call it an unreasoning

optimism. You may call it obtuse.

But the plain fact is we still have...

close to... close to...

He loses his drift as all three men turn, reacting to the

sound of an approaching speeding car.

Miroku

...close to... three days... before

they dam that river...

The car comes into view cornering on two wheels. It crashes

back onto all four and, as it speeds along, dollar bills

snap and flutter out its windows. The car roars up to the

three men as Shippo wiggles a hopeful thumb. It screeches to

a halt.

The driver, a young man in a sharp suit with a round, babylike

face, leans over to call through the passenger window.

DRIVER

Is this the road to Kyoto?

Inuyasha

Uh... Kyoto...

Shippo plucks a fluttering dollar bill out of the air and

looks at it wonderingly. He holds it stretched between two

hands, brings the two sides together, then gives it an

appraising pop.

Miroku

Kyoto, now, uh, that would be...

Inuyasha

Isn't it, uh...

Like a child gazing at soap bubbles, Shippo looks around at

the wafting currency, and yanks another fluttering bill out

of the air.

Miroku

I'm thinkin' it's uh, you could take

this road to, uh...

There is the sound of a distant siren.

The driver, still patiently leaning over to hear out the two

brainwrackers, shoots a quick look in his rearview mirror.

Inuyasha

...Nah, that ain't right... I'm

thinkin' of...

Miroku

...I believe, unless I'm very much

mistaken - see, we've been away for

several years, uh...

The driver pushes open the passenger door.

DRIVER

Hop on in while you give it a think.

The three men climb in and the car squeals out.

INT. CAR

The driver shoots a glance up to the rearview mirror as the

sirens grow louder, then gropes inside his coat.

DRIVER

Any a you boys know your way around

a Walther PPK?

DELMAR

Well now, that's where we cain't

help ya. I don't believe it's in

Mississippi.

The man stops withdrawing the gun and appraises his

passengers. Shippo reacts to the paper currency fluttering

inside the car:

Shippo

Friend, some of your folding money

has come unstowed.

DRIVER

Just stuff it down that sack there.

You boys aren't badmen, I take it?

Shippo

Well, funny you should ask-I was

bad, till yesterday, but me'n Inuyasha

here been saved. My name's Shippo,and that there's Everett.

DRIVER

Jaken Nelson. It's a pleasure.

He opens his door and steps onto the running board, giving

Miroku a casual:

Jaken

Grab the tiller, will ya buddy?

Miroku slides over, startled. Jakken Nelson, now fully

outside and facing the pursuit vehicles, has one hand clamped

on the car roof and waves to Shippo with the other.

Jaken

Hand up that Thompson, Jack.

Shippo gropes in the footwell.

Shippo

Say, what line of work are you in,

Jakken?

EXT. CAR

Jaken sends a spray of bullets back at the pursuit car.

Jaken

COME AND GET ME, COPPERS! YOU

FLATFOOTED LAMEBRAINED SOFT-ASSED

SONOFABITCHES! NO ONE CAN CATCH ME!

I'M GEORGE NELSON! I'M BIGGER THAN

ANY JOHN LAW EVER LIVED! HA-HA-HA-HA-

HA! I'M TEN-AND-A-HALF FEET TALL AND

AIN'T YET FULLY GROWED!

Jaken fires wildly as the pursuit cars gain on him, returning

fire. He suddenly notices a herd of cattle grazing at the

roadside and murmurs:

Jaken

...cows...

He swings the tommy gun over with a whoop.

Jaken

I hate cows worse than coppers!

He lets loose a spray. One of the cows drops and the rest

stampede toward the road.

Shippo

Aww, Jaken, not the livestock.

Energized, Jaken resumes bellowing:

Jaken

HA-HA! COME ON YOU MISERABLE SALARIED

SONSABITCHES! COME AND GET ME!

In bovine ignorance of the conventions of high-speed police

pursuit, some of the cows have wandered up onto the road.

The lead police car broadsides one. Jaken Nelson, cackling

wildly, fires into the air as his car recedes.

SMALL TOWN

The car is speeding into town, dodging and weaving through

light traffic as Jaken fires into the air - perhaps a means

of clearing a path, perhaps an expression of high spirits.

The car screeches to a halt and Jaken hops out, and the

three convicts emerge to follow him.

Jaken

COME ON BOYS! WE'RE GOIN' FOR THE

RECORD-THREE BANKS IN TWO HOURS!

Jowls shaking in a full run, Jaken Nelson bursts through

the door of the bank, followed by the three men.

He fires into the ceiling and leaps up onto a table.

Jaken

OKAY FOLKS! HOLD THE APPLAUSE AND

DROP YER DRAWERS - I'M GEORGE NELSON

AND I'M HERE TO SACK THE CITY of Kyoto!

He leaps down, fires into the air again, and sweeps a young

woman standing in line into a full V-J dip, kissing her on

the lips.

Shippo nudges Miroku.

Shippo

He's a live wire though, ain't he?

NELSON

Thanky dear! All the money in the

bag, and you can tell your grandkids

you were done by the best! I'M JAKEN NELSON AND I'm FEELING 10 FEET TALL!

He winks at the three men who obediently wait.

Jaken

It's a kick and a quarter, ain't it

boys?

Distant sirens again.

Miroku

Pardon me, Jaken, but have you got

a plan for gettin' outa here?

Jaken

Sure boys, here's m'plan!

He whips open his suitcoat to reveal a half-dozen sticks of

dynamite.

Jaken

They ain't never seen ordnance like

this! WELL, THANK YOU, FOLKS, AND

REMEMBER: JESUS SAVES, BUT Jaken

NELSON WITHDRAWS! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-

HA! GO FETCH THE AUTO-VOITURE, Inuyasha

He sends a burst into the ceiling, and heads for the door as

customers murmur.

VOICE

...it's Babyface Jaken...

Jaken whirls.

Jaken

WHO SAID THAT!

The customers stare mutely back.

Jaken

WHAT IGNORANT LOWDOWN SLANDERIZING

SONOFABITCH SAID THAT! MY NAME IS

Jaken NELSON, GET ME!

The customers shuffle their feet and glance uncomfortably

about. Shippo lays a hand on Jaken's shoulder and tries to

steer him toward the door.

Shippo

They didn't mean anything by it,

George.

Jaken

Jaken NELSON! NOT BABYFACE! YOU

REMEMBER AND YOU TELL YOUR FRIENDS!

I'M Jaken NELSON, BORN TO RAISE

HELL!

OUTSIDE THE BANK

The siren grows louder as the four men emerge.

Miroku

You gotta be a little tolerant,

George; all these poor folk know is

the legend. Hell, they can't be

expected to appreciate the complex

individual underneath-

Jaken

Aww, I'm all right-

He shrugs off Miroku's hand and lights the fuse on a stick

of dynamite.

Jaken

This'll put me right back on top!

The car squeals up and, as sirens approach once again, the

three men pile in.

Jaken

OR-VOIR, ITTA BENA! Jaken NELSON

THANKS YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT!

As the car peels out - KA-BOOM! - the dynamite blows a crater

in the street behind.

CAMPFIRE

It is night.

Jaken Nelson, now strangely quiet, holds a coffee cup and

stares gloomily into the fire.

After a long beat, Shippo, also staring into the fire, slaps

one knee and ejaculates:

Shippo

Damn but that was some fun though,

won it Jaken!

Jaken responds, barely audible and without brightening:

Jaken

...yeah...

Miroku and Inuyasha exchange significant looks. Shippo,

however

is less sensitive to the Babyface's mood.

Shippo

Almost makes me wish I hadn't been

saved! Jackin' up banks - I can see

how a fella could derive a lot a

pleasure and satisfaction out of it!

Jaken

...it's okay...

Shippo

Whoa doggies!

At length Jaken swishes the coffee around his cup, shrugs,

tosses the coffee and rises.

Jaken

...Well, I'm takin' off.

He digs into a pocket and tosses his car keys to a dumbfounded

Shippo.

Jaken

You boys can have the automobile.

Glassy-eyed, he continues to dig in his pockets and lets his

money fall to the ground.

Jaken

'N might as well take my share a the

riches.

Shippo

What the - where you goin?

Jaken has turned woodenly and walks away, leaving the

campfire's flickering circle of light.

Jaken

...I dunno... who cares...

Shippo stares at Miroku, who looks appraisingly at Jaken's

retreating back. Inuyasha scrambles to pick up the loose money.

DELMAR

Now wuddya suppose is eatin' George?

EVERETT

Well ya know, Shippo, they say that

with a thrill-seekin' personality,

what goes up must come down. Top of

the world one minute, haunted by

megrims the next. Yep, it's like our

friend Jaken is a alley cat and his

own damn humors're swingin' him by

the tail. But don't worry, Delmar;

he'll be back on top again. I don't

think we've heard the last of Jaken

Nelson.

Shippo, gazing out at the blackness that has closed over

Jaken Nelson, hasn't really been listening. He turns sadly

back.

Shippo

Damn! I liked Jaken... not in a sexual way.

A FIELD

A ploughing farmer has paused to look for the source of

distant string-band music, growing closer. There is also an

approaching amplified voice:

VOICE

Don't be saps for Pappy; vote for

Stokes and responsible gummint!

A stakebed truck approaches along the road bordering the

field. It is festooned with Stokes banners showing the

candidate holding high a broom. Pickers perform in the bed

of the truck, along with a dancer doing a two-step as he

pushes a broom. A midget in overalls waves his arms, as if

conducting the music.

VOICE

He's against the Innarests and for

the little man!

This, the driver's voice, is amplified through a flared

speaker mounted on the roof of the cab. As the oncoming truck

draws near, the midget bellows out at the farmer, who has

removed his hat to scratch his forehead.

MIDGET

Greetings, brother! Vote for Stokes!

The voice tails away:

MIDGET

Clean gummint is yours for the askin'!

Our pan with the passing truck comes to rest on the WEZY

radio building.

INSIDE

We are pulling back from a close shot of the portly blind

man.

MAN

Hang on! Lemme slap up a wire.

He turns away to load a recording as he talks into a

microphone.

MAN

Folks, here's my cousin Ezzard's

niece Eudora from out Greenwood doin'

a little number with her cousin Tom-

Tom which I predict you're just gonna

enjoy thoroughly.

He switches off the microphone as the song, a duet of 'I'll

Fly Away', scratchily issues from a monitor. He turns his

attention back to a well-dressed man sitting nearby.

MAN

Now what can I do you for, Mister

French?

FRENCH

How can I lay hold a the Soggy Bottom

Boys?

MAN

Soggy Bottom Boys - I don't precisely

recollect, uh -

FRENCH

They cut a record in here, few days

ago, old-timey harmony thing with a

guitar Accump-accump-uh-

MAN

Oh I remember 'em, colored fellas I

believe, swell bunch a boys, sung

into yon can and skedaddled.

FRENCH

Well that record has just gone through

the goddamn roof! They're playin' it

as far away as Mobile! The whole

damn state's goin' ape!

MAN

It was a powerful air.

FRENCH

Hot damn, we gotta find those boys!

Sign 'em to a big fat contract! Hell's

bells, Mr. Lunn, if we don't the

goddamn competition will!

MAN

Oh mercy, yes. You gotta beat that

competition.

'I'll Fly Away' mixes up to play full over the following.

MONTAGE

The three men walk down a flat delta road, the sun

shimmering off the rough pavement. Their bank loot, wrapped

in a bandanna, is knotted to the end of a stick slung over

Shippo's shoulder.

A different road under a threatening sky. The three men

stand in the middle distance, waiting. In the foreground two

little black boys are walking home, each carrying a block of

ice. A horse-drawn cart rumbles in from offscreen and Miroku

waggles his thumb. Thunder rumbles.

A spinning 78 on a green felt turntable. The crude black

label identifies it as 'Man of Constant Sorrow' by the Soggy

Bottom Boys.

A high shot looking down through the rain past the dripping

eave of a barn, under which they have taken cover. The three hold their coats pinched shut at the

neck as they look forlornly up at the weather.

The three men walk along a red dirt road elevated through

a bayou.

The three men sit around a campfire. Miroku sits on a

stump, expressively telling a ghost story as Inuyasha and Delmar gaze at him from below, wide-eyed and rapt.

The three men walk past a cotton field dotted with burst

pods.

A Woolworth's interior. A sad-faced woman in a calico dress

addresses the clerk:

SAD-FACED WOMAN

Do you have the Soggy Bottom Boys

performing 'Man of Constant Sorrow'?

CLERK

No, ma'am, we had a new shipment in

yesterday but we just can't keep it

on the shelves.

The sad-faced woman is crestfallen.

SAD-FACED WOMAN

Oh, mercy. Then - just the purple

toilet water.

The three men walk down a road excavated through banks of

clay, from which gnarled tree roots protrude.

A pie rests on a windowsill, steam wafting from it. A hand

enters from below the sill outside and disappears with the

pie. A moment later we see Miroku's and Inuyasha's backs as

they scamper away across the yard. A short beat, and then

Shippo peeks over the sill. He ducks back down and then his

hand reaches up to leave a dollar bill. Moments later we see

him scampering away after Pete and Everett.

Another campfire. The three men sit around it laughing as

they enjoy the pie, each with a slab on a plate improvised

of old newspaper. Miroku finishes his piece, licks his thumb

and tosses the newspaper onto the fire.

We jump in to look at the soiled newspaper as flame begins

to curl its edge. A story is headlined 'TVA Finalizing Plans

for Flooding of Arktabutta Valley'. The flame curls the page

away, briefly revealing the page beneath - with a story

headlined 'Soggy Bottom Boys a Sensation - But Who Are They?' -

before it too is consumed.

A little general store. We are very high, looking down at

a foreshortened Miroku, Inuyasha, Shippo, and store clerk, who

is wielding a long telescoping pole that stretches toward

us. Miroku is pointing up, directing the man with the pole.

He moves it tentatively to and fro until, at a certain point,

Miroku nods vigorously.

A reverse shows the end of the pole - a long stock-pincher -

as it closes over a tin of Dapper Dan pomade, resting on a

high shelf.

The exterior of the store shows it to be on a corner of a

little crossroads town. The three men are emerging from the

store just as a car pulls up to one of the two bubble-topped

gas pumps out front. A fancyman in a boater hat gets out of

the car and heads for the store, passing the three; Miroku

glances at him and, as the man disappears inside, he dives

into his car, waving for them to follow. Shippo,

initially reluctant, is hauled into the car by Inuyasha, and the men take off.

The spinning 78 recording, as the song enters its last

verse.

A spinning car wheel.

A panoramic boom up as the car toodles away, down a road

that winds through scrub grass toward a distant sunset.

THE CAR

The three men are driving through the heat of the day. Miroku

drives; Inuyasha is slouched in the front passenger seat; Shippo,

in back, picks out 'I'll Fly Away' on a banjo.

Inuyasha listens to something, squints, tilts his head.

Inuyasha

...Shutup, Shippo!

Shippo and Miroku exchange glances; Miroku shrugs and Shippo

desists.

We can faintly hear a high, unearthly singing. Barely human,

the sound seems to agitate Inuyasha. He looks desperately out

the window.

His hinging point-of-view shows, down the declivity from the

road and half hidden by trees, three women washing clothes

in the river.

Pete's reaction is enormous. He jams a fist into his mouth,

eyes widening. He yanks the fist out and screams:

Inuyasha

PULL OVER!

Miroku, startled, does so.

EXT.

Before the car has even come to a stop Pete's door flies

open and he is stumbling down the bank to the river.

Everett and Delmar follow more casually, Miroku chuckling.

EVERETT

I guess o' Pete's got the itch.

AT THE RIVER

The unearthly singing, full volume here, comes from the three

women, beautiful but marked by an otherworldly langor as

they dunk clothes in the stream and beat them against rocks,Koharu, Kikyo, and Rin.

Pete is all awkward smiles and deep, burning eyes:

Inuyasha

Howdy do, ladies. Name of Inuyasha!

Strangely, the three laundresses do not answer, though they

do smile at him as they continue to sing.

Pete tries again as he reaches into their laundry basket:

Inuyasha

Maybe I could help you with the, uh-

He realizes he is holding ladies' undergarments.

Inuyasha

Ahem. I, uh...

He drops them back in the basket.

Miroku

I don't believe I've, uh, heard that

song before...

Miroku and Shippo have arrived; Miroku is loud and jovial:

Miroku

Aintcha gonna innerduce us, Inuyasha?

Inuyasha's eyes stay glued on the women as he hisses out of the

corner of his mouth:

Inuyasha

Don't know their names. I seen 'em

first!

Miroku laughs lightly.

Miroku

Ladies, you'll have to pardon my

friend here; Inuyasha is dirt-ignorant

and unschooled in the social arts.

My name on the other hand is Ulysses

Miroku McGill and you ladies are

about the three prettiest water lilies

it's ever been my privilege to admire.

None of the women respond but, as all continue to sing, one

brings a jug marked with three Xes to Miroku.

Miroku

Why, thank you dear, that's very,

uh...

He takes a swig.

Inuyasha

Mm. Corn liqour, I guess, uh, the

preferred local uh...

He passes the jug to Inuyasha as the woman runs her fingers

through his hair.

The other two women are approaching to likewise tousle Inuyasha

and Shippo.

Shippo's woman caresses his face and, by squeezing his cheeks,

smushes his mouth into a pucker.

Shippo

Pleased to meet you, ma'am.

The singing continues. The stream gurgles. Somewhere, in the

distance, flies lazily buzz.

Inuyasha

Damn!

FADE OUT

FADE IN

CLOSE ON Shippo

We are very tight. Shippo's eyes are closed. We hear loud

snoring. At length his eyelids flutter open, but the snoring

continues.

Shippo groggily props himself on one elbow.

It is late afternoon. He is still on the riverbank. Mirokusnores nearby.

The ladies are gone. The hamper of laundry is gone. Inuyasha is

gone.

After looking blearily about for a moment, Shippo starts and

staggers to his feet.

Shippo

Holy Saint Christopher!

He toes Miroku urgently in the ribs.

Miroku

Whuhh...

Shippo

Oh sweet Lord, Miroku, looka this!

Inuyasha's clothes are laid out on the ground, not in a heap,

but mimicking the human shape, as if he had been simply

vaporized fron within them.

Miroku rouses himself and looks at the clothes: He scans

the opposite river bank.

Miroku

Inuyasha! Where the heck are ya! We ain't

got time for your shenanigans!

Shippo stares horrified at the pile of clothes: a spot in

the middle of the shirt is rising and falling, rising and

falling.

Shippo

Sweet Jesus, Miroku! They left his

heart!

Miroku joins Shippo to look. The rhythmic rising and falling

now travels up the shirt. A large yellow toad sticks its

head out from under the collar.

Shippo keens. Miroku is bewildered.

Miroku

What on earth is goin' on here! What's

got into you, Shippo!

Shippo

Caintcha see it Miroku! Them sigh-

reens did this to Pete! They loved

him up an' turned him into a horney-

toad!

The toad hops down the river bank.

Shippo

Inuyasha! Come back!

He slides down the bank after the toad, Miroku watching in

perturbation.

The toad plops into the river and Delmar dives in after him.

He emerges a moment later with the toad wriggling in his

hand.

Shippo

Don't worry, Inuyasha! It's me, Shippo!

Oh Miroku! What're we gonna do!

DRIVING

We hear soft whimpering as Miroku drives, sneaking worried

glances over at the passenger seat.

Shippo has the toad in his lap. He whimpers as he pets it.

Miroku hesitantly offers:

Miroku

...I'm not sure that's Inuyasha.

Shippo

Course it's Inuyasha! Look at 'im!

The frog croaks.

Shippo

We gotta find some kinda wizard can

change 'im back!

A beat. Shippo continues to whimper.

Miroku squints and shakes his head.

Miroku

...I'm just not sure that's Inuyasha.

FINE RESTAURANT

The tables are formally laid with linen. Shippo and Miroku

sit at a table, a shoebox between them, deep in conversation.

Miroku

You can't display a toad in a fine

restaurant like this! Why, the good

folks here'd go right off their feed!

Shippo

I just don't think it's right, keepin'

him under wraps like we's ashamed of

him.

Miroku

Well if that is Inuyasha I am ashamed of

him. The way I see it he got what

he deserved - fornicating with some

whore a Babylon. These things-

He points a knife at the shoebox.

Miroku

don't happen for no reason, Shippo.

Obviously it's some kind of judgment

on Inuyasha's character.

ANOTHER PATRON

* * *

We are looking over the shoulder of a broad-shouldered man

in a cream-colored suit and a shirt with powder-blue collar.

He is digging into a huge plateful of steak and eggs. Sensing

something, he looks up, cocks his head, and then slowly turns

to look back.

He thus reveals a cream-colored eyepatch with powder-blue

trim; his good eye is looking intently off - at Miroku and

Shippo, who continue arguing, out of earshot.

BACK TO Miroku AND Shippo

Still heatedly discussing.

Shippo

The two of us was fixing to fornicate!

The waitress has just arrived for their order. Miroku gives

her an ingratiating laugh:

Miroku

Heh-heh. You'll have to excuse my

rusticated friend here, unaccustomed

as he is to city manners.

He ostentatiously fans some of his money.

Miroku

Well mamzel I guess we'll have a

couple a steaks and some gratinated

potatoes and wash it down with your

finest bubbly wine-

BIG MAN

Watching Miroku fan his money. The big man stops chewing

and slowly raises his napkin to his lips to give them a dainty

pat.

BACK TO Miroku AND Shippo

As Miroku closes his menu.

Miroku

...And I don't suppose the chef'd

have any nits or grubs in the pantry,

or - naw, never mind, just bring me

a couple leafs a raw cabbage.

WAITRESS

Yes sir.

The big man appears as she leaves.

BIG MAN

Don't believe I've seen you boys

around here before! Allow me

t'innerduce myself: name of Daniel

Teague, known in these precincts as

Big Sess Teague or, to those who're

pressed for time, Big Sesshomaru toot court.

Miroku

How d'you do, Big Dan. I'm Ulysses

Miroku McGill; this is my associate

Shippo O'Donnell. I sense that,

like me, you are endowed with the

gift of gab.

Big Sess chuckles as he draws up a chair.

BIG Sess

I flatter myself that such is the

case; in my line of work it's plumb

necessary. The one thing you don't

want is air in the conversation.

Miroku

Once again we find ourselves in

agreement. What kind of work do you

do, Big Sess?

BIG DAN

Sales, Mr. McGill, sales! And what

do I sell? The Truth! Ever' blessed

word of it, from Genesee on down to

Revelations! That's right, the word

of God, which let me add there is

damn good money in during these days

of woe and want! Folks're lookin'

for answers and Big Sess Teague sells

the only book that's got 'em! What

do you do - you and your tongue-tied

friend?

Shippo

Uh, we uh-

Miroku

We're adventurers, sir, currently

pursuin' a certain opportunity but

open to others as well.

BIG Sesshomaru

I like your style, young man, so I'm

gonna propose you a proposition. You

cover my check so I don't have to

run back up to my room, have your

waitress wrap your dinner picnic-

style, and we'll retire to more

private environs where I will explain

to you how vast amounts of money can

be made in the service of God Amighty.

Miroku rises and digs in his pocket.

Miroku

Well, why not. If nothing else I

could use some civilized conversation.

As the three men start to move off, Big Sess gives Shippo a

tilt of the head and a crinkling smile.

BIG Sess

Don't forget your shoebox, friend.

We hear bellowing issuing from a curtained private dining-

room.

INSIDE THE PRIVATE ROOM

Bankotsu O'Daniel sits smoking a cigar, nursing a glass of

whiskey, and soliciting the counsel of his overweight retinue.

bankotsu

Languishing! Goddamn campaign is

languishing! We need a shot inna

arm! Hear me, boys? Inna goddamn

ARM! Election held tomorra, that

sonofabitch Suikotsu would win it in a

walk!

Sota

Well he's the reform candidate, Daddy.

Bankotsu narrows his eyes at him, wondering what he's getting

at.

PAPPY

...Yeah?

Sota

Well people like that reform. Maybe

we should get us some.

Bankotsu whips off his hat and slaps at Sota with it.

Bankotsu

I'll reform you, you soft-headed

sonofabitch! How we gonna run reform

when we're the damn incumbent!

He glares around the table.

Bankotsu

Zat the best idea any you boys can

come up with? REEform! Weepin' Jesus

on the cross! Goshinki, you may as

well start draftin' my concession

speech right now.

Goshinki grunts as he starts to rise.

Goshinki

Okay, Bankotsu.

Bankotsu whips him back down with his hat.

Bankotsu

I'm just makin' a point, you stupid

sonofabitch!

Goshinki

Okay, Bankotsu.

As he settles back Goshinki looks around the table and helpfully

relays:

Goshinki

Pappy just makin' a point here, boys.

A MEADOW

The car boosted from the general store has been pulled off

the road and parked a few yards into a field littered with

bluebonnets and rimmed with moss-dripping oak.

Miroku, Shippo and Big Sesshomaru sit on a blanket around a large picnic hamper. Big Sess is just sucking the last piece of

chicken off a bone.

He tosses the bone over his shoulder, belches, and sighs.

BIG Sess

Thankee boys for throwin' in that

fricasee. I'm a man a large appetite

and even with lunch under my belt I

was feeling a mite peckish.

Miroku

Our pleasure, Big Sess.

BIG Sess

And thank you as well for that

conversational hiatus; I generally

refrain from speech while engaged in

gustation. There are those who attempt

both at the same time but I find it

course and vulgar. Now where were

we?

Shippo

Makin' money in the Lord's service.

Big Sesshomaru

You don't say much friend, but when

you do it's to the point and I salute

you for it.

Shippo is pleased and embarrassed.

Shippo

Oh, it weren't nothin', I-

BIG DAN

Yes, Bible sales. The trade is not a

complicated one; there're but two

things to learn. One bein' where to

find your wholesaler - word of God

in bulk as it were. Two bein' how to

reckanize your customer - who're you

dealin' with? - an exercise in

psychology so to speak.

He rises to his feet and tosses down his napkin.

BIG Sesshomaru

And it is that which I propose to

give you a lesson in right now.

He reaches up and with one hand easily rips a stout limb off

a tree. He casually strips its twigs.

Miroku

I like to think that I'm a pretty

astute observer of the human scene.

BIG Sesshomaru

No doubt, brother - I figured as

much back there in the restaurant.

That's why I invited you out here

for this advanced tutorial.

His club is ready. He swings at Shippo who staggers back

with a grunt.

Miroku wears a puzzled smile.

Miroku

...What's goin' on, Big Sess?

Shippo, though stunned, is faster to size things up. He

charges Big Sess and wraps his arms around him.

Shippo roars.

Big Sesshomaru rears back and whacks at his head.

Miroku is still puzzled, but willing to be instructed:

Miroku

Big Dan, what're you doin'?

Big Sesshomaru walks awkwardly over to Miroku with Shippo still

attached to him like a hunting dog locked on to a bear. Big

Sess takes a break from whacking at Shippo to deliver a blow

to Miroku.

The blow catches Miroku on the chin and sends him reeling.

BIG Sesshomaru

It's all about money, boys! Atsy

answer! Dough re mi!

Big Sess bear hugs Shippo and tosses him away. He whacks

Miroku into a semi-conscious heap and then paws through his

pockets.

BIG Sesshomaru

Do unto others before they do unto

you!

He pulls out their wad of cash.

BIG Sesshomaru

I'll just take your show cards...

He walks over to Shippo who is on the ground moaning, and

kicks him several times.

BIG Sesshomaru

...and whatever you got in the hole.

He takes Shippo's shoebox and flips off the top.

Inside is a bed of straw with the toad resting on it.

BIG Sesshomaru

What the...

He pokes around the straw with his finger; nothing else

inside.

BIG Sesshomaru

It's nothin' but a damn toad!

Shippo, moaning, looks blearily up through swollen eyes.

Big Sesshomaru has the toad in his enormous fist.

Shippo moans through cracked and bloody lips:

Shippo

No... you don't understand...

BIG Sesshomaru

Don't you boys know these things

give ya warts?

He squeezes the frog, crushing it, and tosses it away against

a tree.

Shippo

Oh Lord... Inuyasha...

Big Sesshomaru is over at the car, cranking it up.

BIG Sesshomaru

End of lesson.

He climbs in.

BIG Sesshomaru

So long, boys! Hee-hee! See ya in

the funny papers!

The car belches and pops and toodles off down the road.

Shippo staggers to his feet and stumbles over to the carcass

of the frog, weeping.

Shippo

Inuyasha... Inuyasha... Inuyasha...

FADE OUT

PAN DOWN FROM BLACK TO BRING IN A TORCH

Flickering in the night. We hear the rumble of distant thunder

as the continued pan down brings the torch's bearer into

frame - a man with the slavering grin of the dim-witted

sadist. He watches as we hear:

VOICE

Where are they!

There is the sound of a lash and a scream.

VOICE

Talk, you unreconstructed whelp of a

whore! Where they headed?

Another lash brings another scream.

The screams come from Inuyasha. His arms, stretched high over

his head, are tied to a tree limb. His interrogator wields a

bullwhip.

INTERROGATOR

Your screams ain't gonna save your

flesh! Only your tongue is, boy!

Another lash, another scream.

INTERROGATOR

Where they headed!

A third man walks into the torchlight, a hound drooling at

his heels. He is Naraku, the sheriff with mirrored sunglasses

whom we remember from previous barn confrontations.

Naraku

Lump. I.O.

The two men acknowledge by backing away from Inuyasha.

We hear a pat... pat... and then the accelerating pitter-

patter of arriving rain.

Naraku looks up.

Naraku

Sweet summer rain. Like God's own

mercy.

He looks back down at Inuyasha.

Naraku

Your two friends have abandoned you,

Inuyasha. They don't seem to care 'bout

your hide.

He shrugs, looks off.

Naraku

...Okay.

Looking up, into black: a rope is tossed up - it recedes out

of the torchlight into black night - and then drops back

down into the light, a noose bouncing at its end.

Naraku

Stairway to heaven, Inuyasha.

The two henchmen fit the noose over Pete's neck. Naraku licks

his lips. His dog slobbers.

Naraku

We shall all meet, by and by.

Inuyasha

Goddamnit!

Naraku holds up one hand. The two men pause in fitting the

noose.

Inuyasha is sobbing:

Inuyasha

Godfer gimme!

Thunder crashes.

BACK OF A HAYTRUCK

Miroku and Shippo sit disconsolately on a haybale as the

stakebed truck bounces along a rough country road. They are

both ill-kempt and heavily bruised.

Though still an undammable river of verbiage, Miroku now

seems to be talking out of weary habit, not conviction:

Miroku

Believe me, Shippo, he would've wanted

us to press on. Inuyasha, rest his soul,

was one sour-assed sonofabitch and

not given to acts of pointless

sentimentality.

Shippo doggedly shakes his head.

Shippo

It just don't seem right, diggin' up

that treasure without him.

We distantly hear picks ringing and male chanting. Hollow-

eyed, Miroku tries to convince himself as much as Shippo:

Miroku

Maybe it's for the best that Inuyasha

was squished. Why, he was barely a

sentient bein'. Now, soon as we clean

ourselves up, get a little smell'um

in our hair, we're just gonna feel a

hunnert per cent better about

ourselves and about...

His voice trails away as he looks out at the road.

They are passing a line of chained men in prison stripes and

duck-billed caps wielding pickaxes and shovels at the side

of the road. Guards bearing shotguns amble back and forth.

As he stares at the line of men Miroku tries to pick up his

thread:

Miroku

...and about... life in general...

The prisoners look like phantoms in the heat and dust.

Miroku

Jesus. We must be near Parchman Farm.

The men, giving throat to a dolorous chain-gang chant, do

not look up at the passing haytruck.

Miroku is haunted:

Miroku

Sorry sonsabitches... Seems like a

year ago we bust off the farm...

The last man in line swings his pick and, as he grows smaller,

looks up. Miroku stares.

It is Inuyasha.

Lone and lorn, he returns Miroku's slack-jawed stare until

heat ripples and the truck's dusty wake dissolve him away.

Miroku blinks.

Miroku

Inuyasha have a brother?

Shippo

Not that I'm aware.

Miroku shakes his head as if to clear it.

Miroku

Heat must be gettin' to me.

The truck rattles on.

TOWN SQUARE

Ithaca, Mississippi. On a bunting-covered stage a pencil-

necked man with round rimless glasses addresses a crowd of

rustics.

The pencil-neck is identified on posters as 'Suikotsu Stokes,

Friend of the Little Man', and, in life as in the pictures,

he shakes a broom over his head. A midget in overalls stands

next to him.

Suikotsu

And I say to you that the great state

Tokyo cannot afford four

more years a Bankotsu O'Daniel - four

more years a cronyism, nepotism,

rascalism and service to the

Innarests! The choice, she's a clear

'un:Bankotsu O'Daniel, slave a the

Innarests; Suikotsu Stokes, servant a

the little man! Ain't that right,

little fella?

The midget enthusiastically seconds:

MIDGET

He ain't lyin'!

Suikotsu

When the litle man says jump, Homer

Suikotsu says how high? And, ladies'n

jettymens, the little man has

admonished me to grasp the broom a -

ree-form and sweep this state clean!

The midget waves his little midget broom in time with Stoke's

waves.

Suikotsu

It's gonna be back to the flour mill,

Bankotsu! The Innarests can take care a

theyselves! Come Tuesday, we gonna

sweep the rascals out! Clean gummint -

yours for the askin'!

He beams amid cheers and then, as three girls in gingham

frocks run out to join him:

Suikotsu

An' now - the little Wharvey gals!

Whatcha got for us, darlin's?

The oldest girl is about ten.

LITTLE GIRL

'In the Highways'!

Suikotsu

That's fine.

The haytruck has pulled into the square and Miroku and Shippo

are climbing out.

Miroku stares at the stage.

Miroku

Wharvey gals! Did he just say the

little Wharvey gals?

Shippo shrugs. For some reason, Miroku is enraged:

Miroku

Goddamnit all!

Onstage, the three girls are singing in untrained but

enthusiastic harmony:

GIRLS

In the highways, In the hedges...

Miroku stomps toward the stage, fighting his way through

the crowd. Puzzled, Shippo follows.

DELMAR

You know them gals, Miroku?

Miroku reaches the stage and climbs up into the wings just

as the song ends. The midget starts buck-dancing to a fiddle

tune as the three little girls, filing off, notice Miroku.

YOUNGEST

Daddy!

MIDDLE

He ain't our daddy!

Miroku

Hell I ain't! Whatsis 'Wharvey' gals? -

Your name's McGill!

YOUNGEST

No sir! Not since you got hit by a

train!

Miroku

What're you talkin' about - I wasn't

hit by a train!

MIDDLE

Mama said you was hit by a train!

YOUNGEST

Blooey!

OLDEST

Nothin' left!

MIDDLE

Just a grease spot on the L&N!

Miroku

Damnit, I never been hit by any train!

OLDEST

At's right! So Mama's got us back to

Wharvey!

MIDDLE

That's a maiden name.

YOUNGEST

You got a maiden name, Daddy?

Miroku

No, Daddy ain't got a maiden name;

ya see -

MIDDLE

That's your misfortune!

YOUNGEST

At's right! And now Mama's got a new

beau!

OLDEST

He's a suitor!

EVERETT

Yeah, I know 'bout that.

MIDDLE

Mama says he's bona fide!

This worries Miroku:

Miroku

Hm. He give her a ring?

YOUNGEST

Yassir, big'un!

MIDDLE

Gotta gem!

OLDEST

Mama checked it!

YOUNGEST

It's bona fide!

MIDDLE

He's a suitor!

Miroku

Hm. What's his name?

MIDDLE

Kohaku T. Waldrip.

YOUNGEST

Uncle Kohaku.

OLDEST

Till tomorrow.

YOUNGEST

Then he's gonna be Daddy!

Miroku

I'm the only damn daddy you got! I'm

the damn paterfamilias!

OLDEST

Yeah, but you ain't bona fide!

Miroku

Hm. Where's your mama?

Suikotsu is announcing from the stage:

Suikotsu

And now let's fetch back the Wharvey

gals to sing 'I'll Fly Away'.

The girls call over their shoulders as they run back onstage:

MIDDLE

She's at the five and dime.

YOUNGEST

Buyin' nipples!

WOOLWORTH'S

The faces of a six-year-old girl and her four-year-old sister

light up.

GIRLS

Daddy!

Next to them is a two-year-old girl with a string wrapped

around her waist. The other end of the string is held by a

woman in her thirties with a haggard, careworn face. The

woman also holds a babe-in-arms.

Everett, entering, goggles at the infant.

EVERETT

Who the hell is that!

WOMAN

Satcho Wharvey.

Miroku

Satcho McGill you mean! How come you

never told me about her?

SIX-YEAR-OLD

'Cause you was hit by a train.

Miroku

And that's another thing - why're

you tellin' our gals I was hit by a

train!

Sango

Lotta respectable people been hit by

trains. Judge Hobby over in Cookeville

was hit by a train. What was I

supposed to tell 'em - that you was

sent to the penal farm and I divorced

you from shame?

Miroku

Well - I take your point. But it

leaves me in a damned awkward position

vis-a-vis my progeny.

A man in a straw boater joins them.

Kohaku

'Lo Sango...This gentleman bothering

you?

Miroku

You Kohaku?

Kohaku

That's right.

Miroku sniffs and, catching a scent, squints.

Kohaku's hair, protruding from under his boater, is plastered

against his scalp.

Miroku

...Have you been using my hair

treatment?

Kohaku

Your hair treatment!

Miroku covers his anger with an exaggerated politeness.

Miroku

S'cuse me...

He draws Sango aside.

Miroku

Well, I got news for you case you

hadn't noticed - I wasn't hit by a

train. And I've traveled many a weary

mile to be back with my wife and six

daughters.

SIX-YEAR-OLD

Seven, Daddy!

Sango

That ain't your daddy,Akira.Your daddy was hit by a train.

Miroku

Now Sango, stop that!

Sango

No - you stop it! Kohaku here's got

a job. Kohaku's got prospects. He's

bona fide! What're you?

Miroku

I'll tell you what I am - I'm the

paterfamilias! You can't marry him!

Sango

I can and I am and I will - tomorrow!

I gotta think about the little Wharvey

gals! They look to me for answers!

Vernon can s'port 'em and buy 'em

lessons on the clarinet! The only

good thing you ever did for the gals

was get his by that train!

Miroku

...Why you... lyin,... unconstant...

succubus!

Kohaku

You can't swear at my fiancee!

Miroku

Oh yeah? Well you can't marry my

wife!

With this he takes a wild swing which Kohaku easily eludes.

Waldrip adapts a Marquess of Queensbury stance and prances

about, delivering stinging punches to the nose of a stunned

and outclassed Miroku.

A crowd is gathering and voices murmur:

BYSTANDERS

Who is that man?

Sango

He's not my husband. Just a drifter,

I guess... Just some no-account

drifter...

EXT. WOOLWORTH'S

Its glass doors swing open and Miroku is hurled out and

bellyflops into the dust of the street.

BRAWNY MANAGER

...And stay out of Woolworth's!

MOVIE THEATER

Romantic music tinnily plays as Shippo and Miroku watch,

Miroku is slumped down and angrily hissing:

Miroku

Deceitful! Two-faced! She-Woman!

Never trust a female, Shippo! Remember

that one simple precept and your

time with me will not have been ill

spent!

Shippo

Okay, Miroku.

Miroku

Hit by a train! Truth means nothin'

to Woman, Delmar. Triumph a the

subjective! You ever been with a

woman?

Shippo

Well, uh, I - I gotta get the family

farm back before I can start thinkin'

about that.

Miroku

Well that's right! If then! Believe

me, Shippo, Woman is the most fiendish

instrument of torture ever devised

to bedevil the days a man!

Shippo

Miroku, I never figured you for a

paterfamilias.

Miroku

Oh-ho-ho yes, I've spread my seed.

And you see what it, uh... what it's

earned me... Now what in the...

The screen is flickering down to black as the music slows to

sludge and stops.

The theater is dark and quiet.

Miroku and Shippo, and the rest of the sparse audience,

look restively about.

A man carrying a shotgun enters the auditorium.

He walks halfway down the aisle and stops several rows behind

Shippo and Miroku. He scans the theater, then brings a

whistle to his lips.

At his whistle the back doors burst open and a line of chained

men trot in at double-time. With much clanking they file

into one row and then, that row filled, the one behind it.

They remain silently on their feet.

The first guard and two others who escorted in the convicts

scan the theater. The first guard again blows his whistle.

The two rows of chained men sit.

After another silence:

FIRST GUARD

...Okay boys! Enjoy yer pickcha show!

One more whistle cues the movie to grind back up to speed.

A hissing whisper from behind draws Miroku and Shippo's attention.

VOICE

Do not seek the treasure! It's a

bushwhack!

Miroku and Shippo turn and stare, saucer-eyed. In the middle

of the frontmost row of convicts sits Pete - bald, haunted

Pete.

After a long, disbelieving stare:

Shippo

...Inuyasha?

Inuyasha whispers again, urgently:

Inuyasha

They're fixin' a ambush! Do not seek

the treasure!

Miroku,jaw hanging open, can only stare, as if at a ghost.

Shippo stares also, but finally brings out another:

Shippo

...Inuyasha?

Inuyasha

Do not seek the treasure!

Miroku's face remains frozen in horrified disbelief, but

Shippo finally accepts Inuyasha's corporeal reality.

Shippo

We thought you was a toad!

Inuyasha squints and cocks his head as if to say, What was that?

Shippo repeats the whisper slowly and with exaggerated mouth

movements:

Shippo

We thought... you was... a toad!

Pete shakes his head - didn't catch it - and repeats, also

overarticulating:

Inuyasha

Do not... seek... the treasure!

A guard murmurs:

GUARD

Quiet there. Watcha pickcha.

VERANDA

Bankotsu O'Daniel sits on the veranda of the Governor's Mansion,smoking a cigar and sipping from a glass of bourbon as the

evening sun goes down.

Bankotsu

I signed that bill! I signed a dozen

a those aggi-culture bills! Everyone

knows I'm a friend a the fahmuh!

What do I gotta do, start diddlin'

livestock!

Sota

We cain't do that, Daddy, we might

offend our constichency.

Bankotsu

We ain't got a constichency! Suikotsu's

got a constichency!

Myoga

Them straw polls is ugly.

Goshinki

Suikotsu is pullin' ah pants down.

Goshinki

Gonna pluck us off the tit.

Myoga

Pappy gonna be sittin' there pants

down and Stokes at the table soppin'

up the gravy.

Goshinki

Latch right on to that tit.

Myoga

Wipin' little circles with his bread.

Goshinki

Suckin' away.

Myoga

Well, it's a well-run campaign,

midget'n broom'n whatnot.

Goshinki

Devil his due.

Myoga

Helluva awgazation.

Sota

Say, I gotten idee.

Goshinki

What sat, Sota?

Sota

We could hire us a little fella even

smaller'n Suikotsu's.

Bankotsu whips at him with his hat.

Bankotsu

Y'ignorant slope-shouldered sack a

guts! Why we'd look like a buncha

satchel-ass Johnnie-Come-Latelies

braggin' on our own midget! Don't

matter how stumpy! And that's the

goddamn problem right there - people

think this Stokes got fresh ideas,

he's oh coorant and we the past.

Problem a p'seption.

Myoga

Ass right.

Goshinki

Reason why he's pullin' ah pants

down.

Goshinki

Gonna paddle ah little bee-hind.

Myoga

Ain't gonna paddle it; he's gonna

kick it real hard.

With his mouth forming an O around his dropping cigar, Bankotsu

looks sadly from one to the other, like a spectator at a particularly boring tennis match.

Myoga

No, I believe he's a-gonna paddle

it.

Goshinki

Well now, I don't believe assa

property scription.

Myoga

Well, that's how I characterize it.

Goshinki

Well, I believe it's mawva kickin'

sichation.

Myoga

Pullin' ah pants down...

Goshinki

Wipin' little circles with his

bread...

A NOSE

In slow motion it is dropping... dropping... dropping through

the night. We hear distant thunder and the howl of a hound.

The sounds recede, and the black background dissolves into a

pan down from a raftered ceiling as the noose fades away.

The continued pan down shows that we are in a barracks-like

cabin. It is night. Convicts are ranged in bunk-beds. Their

snores stand out against the chirp of crickets.

In the upper berth of the foreground bed is Inuyasha. His hands

are clasped behind his head. A manacle and chain links one

wrist to a rail that serves as headboard.

He stares up, haunted, at the phantom noose.

Inuyasha

I could not gaze upon that far

shore...

He reacts quizically to a whispered:

VOICE

Inuyasha!

A moment later Miroku rises over the lip of his bed. His

face is blacked and he sways as if standing on a boat.

Miroku

Hold still.

He is raising a large, long-armed, short-nosed pincering

tool. He locks the nose onto Inuyasha's chain and levers the

arms. As his hand chinks free, Inuyasha does not react to his

newfound liberty.

We hear an agonized voice from off as Miroku continues to

sway:

Shippo

...Cain't stand much longer.

Inuyasha's eyes burn into Miroku's

Inuyasha

It was a moment a weakness!

Miroku

Quitcha babblin' Inuyasha- time to

skedaddle.

THE THREE MEN

We track with them as they walk through the moonlit woods.

Shippo's and Miroku's faces are thoroughly blacked; Pete is

just finishing blacking his, and he hands the shoe polish

back to Miroku.

Inuyasha

They lured me out for a bathe, then

they dunked me'n trussed me up like

a hog and turned me in for the bounty.

Miroku

I shoulda guessed it - typical womanly

behavior. Just lucky we left before

they came for us.

Shippo

We didn't abandon you, Inuyasha,we just

thought you was a toad.

Inuyasha

No, they never did turn me into a

toad.

Shippo

Well that was our mistake then. And

then we was beat up by a bible

salesman and banished from

Woolworth's. I don't know if it's

the one branch or all of 'em.

Inuyasha

Well I - I ain't had it easy either,

boys. Uh, frankly, I - well I spilled

my guts about the treasure.

shippo

Huh!

Inuyasha

Awful sorry I betrayed you fellas;

must be my Hogwallop blood.

Miroku

Aw, that's all right, Inuyasha.

Inuyasha is shaking his head, miserable.

Inuyasha

It's awful white of ya to take it

like that, Miroku I feel wretched,

spoilin' yer play for a million

dollars'n point two. It's been eatin'

at my guts.

Miroku

Aw, that's all right.

Inuyasha starts weeping.

Inuyasha

You boys're true friends!

He hugs a stunned Shippo.

Inuyasha

You're m'boon companions!

He hugs Miroku,who looks profoundly uncomfortable.

Miroku

Inuyasha, I don't want ya to beat

yourself up about this thing...

Inuyasha

I cain't help it, but that's a

wonderful thing to say!

Miroku

Well, but Inuyasha.

He clears his throat.

Miroku

Uh, the fact of the matter is - well,

damnit, there ain't no treasure!

Now it is Inuyasha's turn to be stunned. He and Shippo stare at Miroku.

Miroku

Fact of the matter - there never

was!

Inuyasha

But... but...

Shippo

So - where's all the money from your

armored-car job?

Miroku

I never knocked over any armored-

car. I was sent up for practicing

law without a license.

Inuyasha

But...

Miroku

Damnit, I just hadda bust out! My

wife wrote me she was gettin' married!

I gotta stop it!

Inuyasha stares vacantly off.

Inuyasha

...No treasure... I had two weeks

left on my sentence...

Miroku

I couldn't wait two weeks! She's

gettin' married tomorra!

Inuyasha

...With my added time for the escape,

I don't get out now 'til 1987...

I'll be eighty-four years old.

Shippo, not angry himself, is trying to work it out.

Shippo

Huh. I guess they'll tack on fifty

years for me too.

Miroku

Boys, we was chained together. I

hadda tell ya somethin'. Bustin' out

alone was not a option!

Inuyasha

...Eighty-four years old.

Shippo brightens.

Shippo

I'll only be eighty-two.

Inuyasha lunges at Miroku

Inuyasha

YOU RUINED MY LIFE!

He tackles him and, with his hands wrapped round Miroku's

throat, the two roll over.

Miroku

(strangled)

... I do apologize.

Inuyasha

Eighty-four years old! I'll be gummin'

pab-you-lum!

They have rolled through some brush and their bodies are now

halfway into a clearing. They abruptly stop.

Inuyasha,lying on top of Miroku,looks up, startled by loud

chanting. Miroku, lying on his back, tries to see as well,

his eyes rolling back in his head.

Their point-of-view shows a great open field where men in

bedsheets parade in formation before a huge fiery cross.

Inuyasha and Miroku hastily crabwalk back into the bushes and

then push through with Shippo.

The ranks of hooded men, chanting in a high hillbilly wail,

intersect and shuffle like a marching band at halftime. At

length they stop in perfect formation, still chanting, to

face the Imperial Wizard, who stands in front of the burning

cross dressed in a red satin robe and hood trimmed with gold.

An aisle leads through the middle of the formation to the

burning cross, before which a gibbet has been erected. The

backmost row has stopped, facing away, only a few yards from

the bushes that hide Inuyasha and the others.

As the chanting continues, two Klansmen lead a black man,

whom they grasp by either arm, up the aisle toward the gibbet.

BLACK MAN

I ain't never harmed any you

gentlemen!

Everett hisses:

Miroku

It's Onigumo!They got Onigumo!

Shippo

Oh my God!

It is indeed Onigumo.

Onigumo

I ain't never harmed nobody!

Pete is staring aghast at the makeshift gibbet.

Inuyasha

The noose. Sweet Jesus! We gotta

save 'im!

A broad-shouldered man in the middle of the ranks of Klansmen,

sensing something, slowly turns to look back over his

shoulder. He thus reveals that his hood has only one eye-

hole.

He slowly draws off his hood. It is, of course, Big Sesshomaru

Teague. His one good eye looks about; his other eye, now

revealed, is hideously clouded and stares up and off in fixed

sightlessness.

Miroku, still crouched behind the bushes, notices something.

He hisses and points.

Inuyasha

The color guard.

Off to one side is a robed and hooded three-man color guard

displaying a Confederate flag.

In front of the crowd the Imperial Wizard raises one satin-

draped arm, and the chanting stops.

WIZARD

Brothers! We are foregathered here

to preserve our hallowed culture'n

heritage! From intrusions, inclusions

and dilutions! Of culluh! Of creed!

Of our ol'-time religion!

Over in the bushes Miroku and the others are straightening

up and adjusting their appropriated robes and hoods, having

disposed of the color guard.

WIZARD

We aim to pull evil up by the root!

Before it chokes out the flower of

our culture'n heritage! And our women!

Let's not forget those ladies, y'all,

lookin' to us for p'tection! From

darkies! From Jews! From Papists!

And from all those smart-ass folk

say we come descended from the

monkeys! That's not my culture'n

heritage!

A roar from the crowd.

WIZARD

Izzat your culture'n heritage?

Another roar.

WIZARD

And so... we gonna hang us a neegra!

A huge roar - and now the ranks resume their chanting.

The color guard hustles up the aisle to draw up behind the

two men leading Onigumo to the gibbet. Miroku hisses:

Miroku

Hey Onigumo! It's us!

Behind Miroku in the deep background someone emerges from

the ranks into the middle aisle. He approaches with a strong,

purposeful stride - Big Sesshomaru Teague, bareheaded, holding his hood under his arm.

Miroku hisses again:

Miroku

Hey Onigumo!

Onigumo looks back over his shoulder.

Onigumo

...Huh?

Miroku is oblivious to the big man approaching from behind.

Miroku

It's us! We come to rescue ya!

Onigumo

That's mighty kind of ya boys, but I

don't think nothin's gonna save me

now - the devil's come to collect

his due!

Inuyasha

Tommy, you don't wanna get hanged!

Onigumo

Naw I don't guess I do, but that's

the way it seems to be workin' out.

Miroku

Listen to me, Onigumo, I got a plan -

Whoosh - arriving Big Sesshomaru whips the hood from Miroku's head.

Miroku is exposed - in blackface.

The chanting abruptly stops. The crowd is stunned.

Big Sesshomaru whips off the other two hoods - Inuyasha and Shippo, in blackface From the crowd:

VOICE

The color guard is colored!

Big Sesshomaru roars.

The crowd roars.

Miroku screams:

EVERETT

Run, boys!

Pandemonium breaks out, and the Imperial Wizard takes off

his red satin hood for a better view.

He is the reform candidate Suikotsu Stokes. Next to him, his

midget also pulls of his midget hood.

Suikotsu is peeved.

Suikotsu

Who made them the color guard?

Miroku, Inuyasha,Onigumo and Shippo, bearing the Confederate

flag, are retreating across the neutral ground separating

the mob of Klansmen from the burning cross. The mob pursues

in full cry.

When the intruders reach the foot of the cross, Inuyasha turns.

He javelins the flagpole up and out toward the pursuing crowd.

Suikotsu Stokes is mortified.

Suikotsu

Damn! Can't let that flag touch the

ground!

The crowd gasps and watches, heads tilted back, in silence.

The only sound is the fluttering flag.

Suikotsu Stokes' eyes rise, hesitate and start to fall as the

flag reaches its zenith and starts to descend.

We boom down with the hurtling flag toward a sea of upturned

white hoods. Dead in the middle is bareheaded Sesshomaru Teague.

His arms are tensed out at his sides like a waiting kick-off

returner. He squints up with his one good eye, judging

distance and trajectory.

From somewhere we hear a loud BOINK, as of a wire popping.

The flag flutters.

The crowd is silent.

Big Sesshomaru sets and...

WHAP! He snaps his hands up and together.

He has caught the flagpole. The flag has not touched the

ground.

The crowd cheers.

Big Sesshomaru's looks around, beaming acknowledgement of the cheers.

From somewhere, another BOINK.

As Big Sesshomaru's look reaches front again, his smile fades.

His eye tracks up - up-

CREEEEEEK! The fiery cross is twisting and starting to fall.

At the foot of the cross Miroku snaps its last guy wire

with his pincers - BOINK - and the four men sprint off.

WHOOOOSH - As the crowd scatters, the cross descends toward

Big Sesshomaru, frozen, looking up.

It crashes in a shower of sparks and embers that obliterates

Big Sesshomaru Teague.

A PACKARD

It is pulling up in front of a town hall from which party

sounds filter out.

Bankotsu O'Daniel emerges from the car with his retinue - Goshinki, Myoga and Sota.

Bankotsu

I'm sayin' we har this man away.

Goshinki

Assa good idea, Pappy.

Myoga

Helluva idea.

Goshinki

Cain't beat 'em, join 'em.

Myoga

Have him join us, run our campaign

'stead a that pencil-neck's.

Goshinki

Enticements a power, wealth, settera.

Myoga

No one says no to bankotsu O'Daniel.

Goshinki

Oh gracious no. Not with his

blandishments.

Myoga

Powas p'suasion.

Bankostu

What's his name again?

Goshinki

Campaign manager? Kohaku.

Myoga

Kohaku Waldrip.

Kohaku T. Waldrip.

Bankotsu

Hmm... His folks from out Tuscarora?

Myoga

Tuscarora? Might be. I b'lieve they

is.

Goshinki

Not a doubt in my mind.

Bankotsu is disgusted:

Bankotsu

You don't know where his goddamn

folks from; you speakin' outcha

asshole.

Goshinki

Well now Bankotsu I wouldn't put it

that strong...

As the three men make their way up the steps, Goshinki's voice

is fading:

Goshinki

...but p'haps yaw right...

In wide shot, they disappear into the building.

A reverse shows the wide shot to have been the point-of-view

of Miroku, Inuyasha, Shippo and Onigumo, who peek out from the

mouth of an alley. Miroku hisses his intelligence:

Miroku

Well, it's a invitation-only affair;

we'll have to sneak in through the

service entrance-

Inuyasha

Wait a minute - who elected you leader

a this outfit? Since we been followin'

your lead we got nothin' but trouble!

I gotten this close to bein' strung

up, n'consumed in a fire, 'n whipped

no end, 'n sunstroked, 'n soggied -

Shippo

'N turned into a frog -

Miroku

He was never turned into a frog!

Shippo sulks:

Shippo

Almost loved up though.

Miroku is stunned.

Miroku

So you're against me now, too!... Is

that how it is, boys?

Silence. No one wants to meet Miroku's eye. He is saddened.

Miroku

The whole world and God Almighty...

and now you. Well, maybe I deserve

this. Boys, I... I know I've made

some tactical mistakes. But if you'll

just stick with me; I need your help.

And I've got a plan. Believe me,

boys, we can fix this thing! I can

get my wife back! We can get outta

here!

Headlights play; the men suck back into the alley as a car

passes by.

The car tools up to the banquet hall and Homer Stokes emerges

with his midget. The midget tosses his balled-up white hood

into the car and both men shrug into their suitcoats.

Suikotsu is angry:

Suikostu

...goddamn disgrace. Made a travesty

of the entire evenin'...

They too start up the stairs. Stokes's pace is brisk and the

midget hops awkwardly to keep up.

Suikotsu

...what I wouldn't give to get my

hands on those agitators. Whoever

heard a such behavior. Even among

culluds. Or mulattos, maybe - I

suspect some miscegenation in their

heritage... how else you goin' explain

it - usin' the Confed'it flag as a

missile...

BANQUET HALL KITCHEN

Miroku, Inuyasha, Shippo and Onigumo are entering through the

back door. The blackface has been scrubbed off but all four

now wear long gray beards as disguise, clumsily affixed with

spirit gum. Each is carrying a musical-instrument case.

They elbow past the bustling kitchen help.

Miroku

Scuse me... scuse me... we're the

next act...

Shippo

Miroku, my beard itches.

Inuyasha

This is crazy. No one's ever gonna

believe we're a real band.

Miroku

No, this is gonna work! I just gotta

get close enough to talk to her.

Takin' off with us is got a lot more

future in it than marrying a guy

named Kohaku. I'm goddamn bona

fide. I've got the answers!

HEAD TABLE

Out in the banquet hall Sango and Kohaku sit side-by-side

at the head table, surrounded by the Wharvey gals. Penny and

Kohaku are facing the hall with their backs to the stage as

the four bearded band members - Miroku, Inuyasha, Shippo and

Onigumo - take their places.

Bankotsu O'Daniel stands by Kohaku's chair with an arm draped

over his shoulder, leaning in to murmur confidentially.

Waldrip sits stiffly erect as he listens, frowning at a spot

in space.

Suddenly Kohaku erupts:

Kohaku

Well that's a improper suggestion!

I can't switch sides in the middle

of a campaign! Especially to work

for a man who lacks moral fibre!

Bankotsu

Moral fibre!

He waves his cane, outraged.

Bankotsu

You pasty-faced sonofabitch, I

invented moral fibre!

Up on the stage, the band has launched into a song.

Bankotsu

Bankotsu O'Daniel was displayin'

rectitude and high-mindedness when

that pencil-neck you work for was

still messin' his drawers!

A hissed Voice:

VOICE

Psst! Sango! Hey! Up here!

As the two men continue to exchange sharp words, Sango turns

her head to look steeply up over her shoulder.

Miroku is up onstage just behind her. As the rest of the

band continues to play, he is parting his beard to hiss down

at her:

Miroku

Sango! It's me!

Dismayed, she shakes her head and tries to unobtrusively

wave him away. He is undeterred:

Miroku

No, Sango, listen! We're leavin' the

state! Pusuin' opportunities in

another venue! I got big plans! Not

minstrelsy; this-here's just a dodge -

I'm gonna be a dentist! I know a guy

who'll print me up a license! I wanna

be what you want me to be, honey! I

want you and the gals to come with

me!

She shakes her head vigorously and looks down at her plate

as Miroku continues pleading to her back:

Miroku

They're my daughters, Sango! I'm the

king a this goddamn castle!

Suikostu has ambled up to the head table.

Suikotsu

What're you doin' here, Bankotsu? I

guess someone let on there was free

liquor, heh-heh.

Bankotsu

Yeah, you'll be laughin' out the

other side your face come November.

Muso

Bankotsu O'Daniel be laughing' then.

Not out the other side his face,

though.

Sota

Oh no, no, just the reg'la side -

This byplay is interrupted by a roar from the crowd.

The band has launched into 'Man of Constant Sorrow',

precipitating the huge reaction. Miroku, still trying to

get Sango's attention, looks up, stunned at the ovation.

Cry from the crowd:

VOICE

Hot damn! Itsa Soggy Bottom Boys!

Miroku and the boys, still singing, exchange bemused looks.

A shrug, and they lean into the song with a will.

Miroku performs an impromptu buck-and-wing, bringing the

crowd to new heights of hysteria.

Bankotsu

Holy-moly. These boys're a hit!

Goshinki

But Pappy, they's inter-grated.

Bankotsu

Well I guess folks don't mind they's

integrated.

Suikotsu is also staring at the band, frowning. He murmurs to

himself:

Suikotsu

Wait a minute...

Miroku catches Suikotsu's look. The two men look at each other,

aghast.

Suikotsu raises his voice accusingly:

Suikotsu

...you's miscegenated! All you boys!

Miscegenated!

Miroku raises the volume of his singing. Suikotsu cries out:

Suikotsu

Get me a mike-a-phone!

A mike is thrust into his hand and he bellows into it,

overwhelming the music, which the boys eventually abandon.

Suikotsu continues bellowing into the silence:

Suikotsu

These boys is not white! These boys

is not white! Hell, they ain't even

ol'-timey! I happen to know, ladies'n

gentlemen, this band a miscreants

here, this very evening, they

interfered with a lynch mob inna

performance of its duties!

The crowd stares at him, stone-faced. Suikotsu plows on:

Suikotsu

It's true! I b'long to a certain

society, I don't believe I gotta

mention its name, heh-heh...

Nobody joins in the laugh; suikotsu slowly strangles on it.

Suikotsu

...Ahem. And these boys here trampled

all over our venerated observances

an' rich'ls! Now this-here music is

over! I aim to -

Boos start up among the crowd.

Suikotsu

I aim to hand these boys over to -

listen to me, folks!

The boos are growing in volume. There are cries of 'More

music!' and even one 'Shut up, pencil-neck!'

Suikotsu

Listen to me! These boys desecrated

a fiery cross!

More boos. Jakken approaches and nudges the microphone away

to murmur confidentially in Stokes' ear. Suikostu excitedly

retrieves the mike and struggles to be heard:

Suikotsu

And they convicts! Fugitives, folks,

escaped off the farm!

This cuts no ice; the boos have become overwhelming.

Suikotsu

Folks, these boys gotta be remanded

the 'thorities! Criminals! And I

happen to have it from the highest

authority that that Neegra sold his

soul to the devil!

He is hit by a tomato.

The boos are deafening; the Soggy Bottom Boys, sensing

opportunity, launch back into the interrupted verse of 'Man

of Constant Sorrow'. The boos become wild cheers.

Suikotsu is being pelted by foodstuffs. Shielding himself with

one arm, he bellows into the mike:

Suikotsu

Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Is you

is or is you ain't my constichency?

INT. RUSTIC CABIN

Far up some sleepy holler. An old man in overalls and his

wife sit hunched before a crystal set, listening to the tinny

voice. They look at each other wordlessly, look back at the

crystal set.

BACK TO BANQUET HALL

Suikotsu is almost drowned out by the music as his midget looks

apprehensively on.

Suikotsu

Is you is or is you ain't -

A disgruntled audience member yanks out the microphone plug;

Suikotsu continues to mouth the inaudible words.

Bankotsu is considering the crowd.

Bankotsu

Goddamn! Oppitunity knocks!

He starts clambering up onto the stage.

Two men advance through the clapping audience holding high

either end of an eight-foot rail. When they reach Suikotsu,

other audience members help load him onto the rail.

Onstage, Bankostu claps along with the audience.

As they play, the band members fearfully eye Bankostu, who

advances on them.

Bankotsu joyfully shakes his fat ass in time to the music and

does a little two-step. The audience roars. The band relaxes,

performing with even more gusto.

Suikotsu is being through the crowd on the rail, jeered at and

pelted with comestibles until he bangs out the exit.

As the songs rolls into its big finish the audience roars

approval, and Bankotsu elbows in to the microphone, beaming.

PAPPY

That's fine, that's fine!...

He drops one arm around Miroku, the other around Shippo.

Bankotsu

...Ladies'n gentlemens here and

listenin' at home, the great state

ofJapan (Bankotsu O'Daniel,

Gov'nor) thanks the Soggy Bottom

Boys for that won-a-ful performance!

Cheers.

Bankotsu

Now it looks like the only man in

our great state who ain't a music

luvva, is my esteemed opponent in

the upcomin', Suikotsu Stokes -

Boos.

Bankotsu

Yeah, well, they ain't no accountin'

f'taste. It sounded t'me like he

harbored some kind a hateful grudge

against the Soggy Bottom Boys on

account a their rough'n rowdy past.

Boos.

Bankotsu

Sounds like Suikotsu Stokes is the kinda

fella gonna cast the first stone!

Boos.

Bankotsu

Well I'm with you folks. I'm a f'give

and f'get Christian. And I say, well,

if their rambunctiousness and

misdemeanorin' is behind 'em - It

is, ain't it, boys?

Miroku hesitates, not sure where this is going.

Miroku

Sure is, Governor.

Bankostu

Why then I say, by the par vested in

me, these boys is hereby pardoned!

Loud cheers prod Bankotsu to another level of inspiration:

Bankotsu

And furthermore, in the second Bankotsu

O'Daniel administration, why, these

boys - is gonna be my brain trust!

Raucous cheers.

The band beams, but Shippo leans into Miroku, worried:

Shippo

What sat mean exactly, Miroku?

Miroku

Well, you'n me'n Inuyasha'n Onigumo are

gonna be the power behind the throne

so to speak.

Shippo

Oh, okay.

Bankotsu

So now, without further ado, and by

way of endorsin' my candidacy, the

Soggy Bottom Boys is gonna lead us

all in a chorus of 'You Are My

Sunshine' - ain't ya, boys?

He gives Miroku a meaningful look, which Miroku holds for

a considering beat.

Miroku

...Governor - that's one of our

favorites!

Bankotsu returns a considered appraisal:

Bankotsu

Son, you gonna go far.

The song begins.

LATER

The steps of the meeting hall. People stream out of the

concert into the warm summer night.

Miroku, now relieved of his beard, is walking down the steps

with Sango.

Miroku

I guess Kohaku is gonna

be goin' on relief. Maybe I'll be

able to throw a little patronage his

way, get the man a job diggin' ditches

or rounding up stray dogs.

Shippo

Is the marriage off then, Miz Wharvey?

Sango

McGill. No, the marriage'll take

place as planned.

Miroku

Just a little change of cast. Me and

the little lady are gonna pick up

the pieces'n retie the knot,

mixaphorically speakin'. You boys're

invited, of course. Hell, you're

best men! Already got the rings.

He raises Sango's left hand with his own to display their

wedding bands - but Sango's finger is bare.

Miroku

Where's your ring, honey?

Sango

I ain't worn it since our divorce

came through. It must still be in

the rolltop in the old cabin. Never

thought I'd need it; Vernon bought

one encrusted with jewels.

Miroku

Hell, now's the time to buy it off

him cheap.

Sango

We ain't gettin' married with his

ring! You said you'd changed!

Miroku

Aw, honey, our ring is just a old

pewter thing -

Sango

Ain't gonna be no weddin'.

Miroku

It's just a symbol, honey -

Sango

No weddin'.

Shippo

We'll go fetch it with ya, Miroku.

Miroku

Honey, it's just - Shutup, Shippo -

it's just -

Sango

I have spoken my piece and counted

to three.

She walks off.

Miroku

Oh, goddamnit! She counted to three!

Sonofabitch! You know how far that

cabin is!

His attention, and everyone else's, is drawn by a procession

on the street below. A crowd carrying torches jogs behind a

man in clanking leg irons and wrist manacles who is being

escorted by four policemen trotting alongside, their

nightsticks held across their chests in riot-ready formation.

Miroku and the rest of the Soggy Bottom Boys descend the

last couple of steps to meet the oncoming criminal. Delmar

cries out:

Shippo

Jakken

It is indeed Jakken Nelson, grinning and game despite his

heavy restraints.

Jakken

'Lo, boys! Well, these little men

finally caught up with the criminal

a the century! Looks like the chair

for George Nelson. Yup! Gonna

electrify me! I'm gonna go off like

a Roman candle! Twenty thousand

volts chasin' the rabbit through

yours truly! Gonna shoot sparks out

the top of my head and lightning

from my fingertips!

As he passes he turns to call back over his shoulder:

Jakken

Yessir! Gonna suck all the power

right outa the state! Goddamn, boys,

I'm on top of the world! I'M Jaken

NELSON AND I'M FEELIN' TEN FEET TALL!

Shippo, smiling, shakes his head as he watches him go.

Shippo

Looks like Jakken is right back on

top again.

BLACK

In the black we hear snuffling, growing louder, closer,

slobberier.

A crack of light. We are inside a cupboard. Its door is being

nosed open by an eagerly sniffing snout.

As the door swings wide the inside of the cupboard is washed

with light. It contains, next to a tangled bunch of hairnets,

several neatly stacked tins of Dapper Dan pomade.

PINEY WOODS

Miroku, Inuyasha, Shippo and Onigumo are walking through the woods.

Miroku

Well, at least you boys'll get to

see the old manse - the home where I

spent so many happy days in the bosom

of my family - a refugium, if you

will - with a mighty oak tree out

front and a happy little tire swing...

They emerge into a clearing. The cabin stands before them.

It is indeed a peaceful-looking haven with a mighty oak tree

in front. There is, however, no tire swing; instead, three

nooses hang from one stout limb.

Shippo

Where's the happy little tire swing?

Two shotgun-wielding goons fall in behind the four men and

push them forward.

Moving forward reveals, next to the oak tree, three fresh-

dug graves. Standing at the far lip of each grave is a rough

pine coffin.

The sheriff with mirrored sunglasses,Naraku, steps off the

porch, the drooling hound at his heels.

Naraku

End of the road, boys. It's had its

twists and turns -

Miroku

Waitaminute -

Naraku

but now it deposits you here.

The goons are shoving them toward the tree. Three

gravediggers, having just finished their work, emerge from

the three graves. They are shirtless black men with bandannas

round their necks.

Miroku

Waitaminute -

Naraku

You have eluded Satan - and eluded me -

for the last time. Tie their hands,

boys.

Miroku

You can't do this -

Naraku

Didn't know you'd be bringin' a

friend. Well, he'll have to wait

his turn -

Miroku

Hang on there -

Naraku

and share one of your graves.

Miroku

You can't do this - we just been

pardoned! By the Governer himself!

Shippo

It went out over the radio!

Naraku

Is that right?

The leering goons, who have been lashing the men's wrists

behind their backs, pause, their sadism stymied. They look

to Cooley for guidance.

So too does the drooling hound.

Silence.

Finally:

Naraku

...Too bad we don't have a radio.

The goons recover their leering grins and resume their happy

task.

The gravediggers stand next to the graves, leaning on their

shovels. They begin to sing a slow and dirgelike 'You've Got

to Walk That Lonesome Valley'. Sweat glistens on them and

trickles down their faces like tears.

Inuyasha

God have Mercy!

Onigumo

It ain't fittin'!

Miroku

It ain't the law!

Naraku

The law. Well the law is a human

institution.

Cooley gives the faintest smile.

Naraku

Perhaps you should take a moment for

your prayers.

Inuyasha

Oh my God! Miroku!

Shippo

I'm sorry we got you into this, Onigumo

Inuyasha

Good Lord, what do we do?

Inuyashais in tears.Onigumo is terrified.Shippo bows his head

to silently pray.

Mirokubows his head as well. He murmurs:

Miroku

Oh Lord, please look down and

recognize us poor sinners... please

Lord...

The singing of the gravediggers begins a mournful swell.

Miroku

...I just want to see my daughters

again. Oh Lord, I've been separated

from my family for so long...

The mournfully building song is now supported by a bass more

palpable than audible - the song, it seems, rising out of

the earth itself.

Miroku

...I know I've been guilty of pride

and sharp dealing. I'm sorry that I

turned my back on you, Lord. Please

forgive me, and help us, Lord, and I

swear I'll mend my ways... For the

sake of my family... For Onigumo's sake, and Delmar's, and Pete's...

The rumble is building.

Miroku

...Let me see my daughters again.

Please, Lord, help us... Please help

us...

The rumble erupts into a deafening roar.

A wall of water is crashing through the hollow.

It engulfs everything and everybody. The cabin itself is

ripped away; the Soggy Bottom Boys are knocked off their

feet and all is noise and confusion.

UNDERWATER

A silent world. Miroku tumbles in the current in natural

slow motion.

Suspended around him are scores of tins of Dapper Dan pomade.

Other objects spin slowly by; framed sepia-tinted family

portraits, tree limbs, a fishing pole, an outhouse door, a

frying pan, a noose, an old banjo, the wild-eyed frantically

paddling bloodhound, a tire with a rope tied around it.

FURTHER DOWNHILL

The churning torrent opens into a lowland to become a newly

created river, fast-moving but no longer violent.

After a beat of hold on the rippling waters, the surface is

broken by the up-bob of a pine coffin.

The coffin floats downstream for a beat and then Miroku

pops out of the water next to it, gasping for air, shaking

his head clear of water, and moving his shoulders to finish

freeing himself from the rope round his wrists.

Inuyasha and Shippo emerge nearby, gasping for air.

The men hang onto the coffin, which bears them downstream.

Dazed, they look around.

The inundated valley shows only the occasional roof- or

treetop poking out of the newly formed river. All is quiet

except for the gurgle of water.

Shippo

A miracle! It was a miracle!

Miroku

Aw, don't be ignorant, Shippo. I

told you they was gonna flood this

valley.

Shippo

That ain't it!

Inuyasha

We prayed to God and he pitied us!

Miroku

It just never fails; once again you

two hayseeds are showin' how much

you want for innalect. There's a

perfectly scientific explanation for

what just happened -

Inuyasha

That ain't the tune you were singin'

back there at the gallows!

Miroku

Well any human being will cast about

in a moment of stress. No, the fact

is, they're flooding this valley so

they can hydro-electric up the whole

durned state...

Miroku waxes smug:

Miroku

Yessir, the South is gonna change.

Everything's gonna be put on

electricity and run on a payin' basis.

Out with the old spiritual mumbo-

jumbo, the superstitions and the

backward ways. We're gonna see a

brave new world where they run

everyone a wire and hook us all up

to a grid. Yessir, a veritable age

of reason - like the one they had in

France - and not a moment too soon...

His voice trails off as he notices something.

A cottonhouse in the middle of the river is submerged to its

eaves. A cow has taken refuge on its roof. It stands staring

at Everett, who returns the stare.

He shakes off the vision and clears his throat.

Miroku

Not a moment too soon. Say, there's

Onigumo

Onigumo has indeed just surfaced downstream, clinging to a

half-submerged piece of furniture.

Miroku

What you ridin' there, Onigumo

The furniture beneath him begins to rotate in the current

and, to keep his head above water, Onigumo climbs in place

like a hamster on a wheel. As the chest exposes its ribbed

upper half:

Onigumo

Rolltop desk...

STREET

Miroku and Sango walk arm in arm, the seven Wharvey gals

behind. The girls sing 'Angel Band' as the grown-ups talk.

Miroku

All's well that ends well, as the

poet says.

Sango

That's right, honey.

Miroku

But I don't mind telling you, I'm

awful pleased my adventuring days is

at an end...

He fumbles in his pocket.

Miroku

...Time for this old boy to enjoy

some repose.

Sango

That's good, honey.

Miroku

And you were right about that ring.

Any other weddin' band would not do.

But this-here was foreordained, honey;

fate was a-smilin' on me, and ya

have to have confidence -

He is slipping it onto her hand.

Sango

That's not my ring.

Miroku

in the gods - Huh?

Sango

That's not my ring.

Miroku

Not your...

Sango

That's one of Aunt Hurlene's.

Miroku

You said it was in the rolltop desk!

Sango

I said I thought it was in the rolltop

desk.

Miroku

You said -

Sango

Or, it might a been under the

mattress.

Miroku

You -

Sango

Or in my chiffonier. I don't know.

Miroku shakes his head.

Miroku

Well, I'm sorry honey -

Sango

Well, we need that ring.

Miroku

Well now honey, that ring is at the

bottom of a pretty durned big lake.

Sango

Uh-huh.

Miroku

A 9,000-hectacre lake, honey.

Sango

I don't care if it's ninety thousand.

Miroku

Yes, but honey -

Sango

That wasn't my doing...

Indignation quickens her pace. Miroku keeps up, and the two

are pulling forward out of frame.

Miroku

Course not, honey, but...

We are now on the Wharvey gals who follow in a ragged bunch,

still singing. From somewhere distant, through the song, we

can just hear a rhythmic clack of metal on metal.

The second-to-last girl is the oldest; she holds a piece of

string along which we travel, still listening to Sango and

Miroku, off:

Sango

I counted to three, honey.

Miroku

Well sure, honey, but...

We reach the end of the piece of string; it is wrapped around

the waist of the toddler, who lingers in frame. She gazes

down a quiet street at the edge of town that ends in an open

field.

Miroku

...finding one little ring in the

middle of all that water...

His voice, and that of the singing girls, recedes.

Miroku

...that is one hell of a heroic

task...

The string is given a tug and the little girl waddles out of

frame.

A train track is thus revealed in the distance. The rhythmic

clack is from the hand-pumped flatcar.

The blind seer pumps the car along the distant track, singing

harmony under the Wharvey gals' receding voices.

* * *

THE END 


End file.
